Separation Anxiety – The other way round

I don’t know if any or all other working mothers are like me, sometimes I can get really emotional or sad leaving my baby to work.

This morning, after getting myself ready for work, I went into her room at 730am with her milk. This is the usual time we have to wake her up if she is still not awake yet, because I need to leave for work by 740am latest and for the husband 8am. She is still in peaceful deep sleep. I look at her angelic face, and her stomach moving up and down to the rhythm of her heartbeat, I just couldn’t bring myself to wake her up. Every time when it comes to waking her up in the morning, I become a very indecisive person. On one hand I know I have to wake up else everyone will be late; on the other hand I just want her to sleep a little bit more, as if one more minute of sleep really makes a difference.

And after she wakes up, I will need to leave in the next 10 minutes. 10-minute is really too short! So I try to offer a lot of hugs and kisses, as if to make up the total quota for the day. Husband said that’s too much you are not going to see her in one-year’s time. Men are just different.

When it comes to say ‘Bye Bye’, Kah Yen does not really have any separation anxiety. When she first learnt to wave Bye Bye and give flying kiss she will happily do both to Mummy voluntarily. Now these are nothing new to her so she doesn’t do it so often, even upon requests. She is more interested in the toy in her hand. I know it is completely normal for her age but I can't help feeling sad wondering if she really needs Mummy that much.

Mummy is the one experiencing separation anxiety instead.



A happy morning baby @ 4-month old



It's a good match!

We brought Kah Yen for a friend’s wedding lunch on Saturday. She did not seem to be impressed at all by the handsome groom or the gorgeous bride or the lovely songs in the air. Only the door gifts on the table managed to interest her for a while before she is too bored to sit still on her high chair.

We brought her down from the high chair and she soon found her equally bored-and-can’t-sit-still-anymore friend from the same table – one of our friends’ 3-year old boy. Off she went to crawl after her KorKor. (Ever since she learnt to say the word “KorKor” she practically calls every boy she sees)

As you can see she chases after him all the way to the buffet table, and it soon becomes their dating corner.

First, let me introduce - this is my Korkor

Now let's take a photo together

Oh Korkor is hugging me

I really like the photos because very rare we dress her in such pretty red dress, and it just happened that the boy is also dressed all in red. I later sent these photos to the boy’s parents and asked them whether they think it is a good match.

Our innocent Kah Yen certainly never thought that her Mummy is going to match-make her at this early age.

The Teh family studio's very first baby shot

When Kah Yen turned one year old last November, we thought of going for some studio baby shots. After finding out that a set of three photos can cost as much as $500, we decided to go for the Teh family studio.


The Teh family studio is located right in our living room. The photographer is none other than the other very famous character of the household - Daddy. The camera is at least 6 years old and has been collecting dust for the past 1 year or so. The lighting system is cheap and natural - comes in right from the window.


All set, and Kah Yen just woke up from her nap and insisted on going under the limelight with her sleeping buddies.


So here are some test shots, as you can see she has not changed her clothes yet. Turned out these are the photos we like the most because she has the biggest smile we have ever seen.

Come and meet Baby Pooh and Tigger

Off she went to look for her toys while not forgetting to check out the camera.

Why is Daddy following me with this giant black monster thing?

And finally comes the real business. Our intention is to get her to sit beside her birthday cake and look at the camera - one of the standard first birthday shots that you will show your children and grand children and great grand children. As it turned out, she was too distracted by her first cake and all the photos are like this:

My first birthday cake? It's all mine now!

Some final attack to the poor birthday cake.

Now it's time for me to eat the cake

That's it. We enjoyed the shooting session but we were thinking for our next baby, we better go to a real studio in order to have a complete piece of cake for ourselves at the end.

The masterpiece of a 16-month old

I swear I did not pass her the color pencils. I have no intention of raising a child prodigy here, and I don’t believe she can learn drawing at this young age.

Even if she does have the artistic genes inside of her, she got to learn the most fundamental human skills first – that includes walking, talking and eating by herself. For now these are far more important than drawing a piece of art.

We got the color pencil box as a goodie bag gift from one of the community events, it has been on the corner of our dining table for quite some days before I threw it into her “Miscellaneous” toy box. This morning when I was preparing breakfast in the kitchen I saw our little explorer and destroyer staring at the box, and trying to open it with both her hands and the help of her mouth. When she did open it, she took them out one by one and started randomly scribble on the floor. To save our living room floor we quickly pass her some white paper. And there she is. She really does look like she is working hard on something right?

Kah Yen's first time drawing with color pencils



A few of Kah Yen's favorite things



Well obviously she can’t draw anything but a few lines so the above picture is actually contributed by Daddy.

And seeing her interest in drawing, we passed her the magnetic drawing board – a toy our friend’s children received on a Silkair flight. To our surprise she seems to like it very much.

Kah Yen drawing on a magnetic board

And here comes the actual masterpiece of a 16-month old.

The masterpiece of a 16-month old

Letters to Kah Yen: Your Nanny, Your Popo

Dear Kah Yen,

In this letter, I want to tell you about your Nanny - whom you call Popo. You may not be able to remember your first two years when you grow up, so this letter will help you to remember who she is.

She is a very kind and cheerful lady, to whom Daddy & Mummy are truly grateful.

We were deciding between Infant care and Nanny before Mummy went back to work. Your grandparents from both sides are not living in Singapore. You are only 3-month old, such a small baby. We can’t imagine leaving you at Infant care without one-to-one attention, staying in your cot or rocking chair most of the time. You are also not a very fast-eater so it takes some time and patience to let you finish your bottle. With all these worries in mind, Daddy & Mummy decided to find you a good Nanny near our neighborhood to look after you.

Finding a good Nanny in the neighborhood depends purely on luck and trust. There is no agency to call, no newspaper to flip, no website to search. We don’t know any parents who can recommend one as well. We prayed hard. We even printed out some small flyers to put at lift lobbies and mailboxes. There is no news.

Then one day, as we were walking around the neighborhood again, we met one group of grannies gathering at one block, they are all at your grandma’s age. We casually asked if any of them might be interested. And there she is, your Nanny, she said she can help. She has been looking after her own grandsons for the past few years and they have just moved to Hong Kong one month back. She is free now but without kids around the house she felt empty and lonely. She likes Kids. And She likes being active. So she is willing to help. We have very good first impression of her. She looks like one of the youngest among the group, and she looks cheerful and lively. Even the other grannies commented that she takes care of kids really well; we were lucky to find her.

She has been looking after you for almost one year now, and we have never regretted the decision.

Kah Yen & her Popo

She follows your feeding and nap routines diligently; even if it means she has to change her own activities to fit into yours.

She cooks porridge for you for three hours, and she insist on cooking it fresh for every meal.

She takes out all the toys she kept for her grandchildren. You have more toys at her place than at home.

She hand-washes your clothes everyday.

She gives you a warm shower and makes you smell really good before Mummy picks you up everyday.

She brings you to see doctor when you are not feeling well and Daddy/Mummy can’t come back in time.

She is the one assures Daddy/Mummy everything is normal when you are sick and we are overly concerned.

She also gives assurance to Daddy/Mummy when we have questions about your development/milestones. She never had one negative comment about your growth, she always believes you are thriving.

She bought you nice dress on your birthday.

Her son, who always comes to pick up her primary school going daughter in the evening, plays with you and buys you toys and clothes. He said you make him want to have one more child.

Her daughter, who works in Hong Kong, bought you winter clothes when she knows you are going back to China for Chinese New Year. She brought you gifts as well when she comes back.

Her two grandsons, they are back from Hong Kong and now attend Kindergarten and come to her house in the afternoon. They simply adore you and always involve you in their play, as if you are their real MeiMei.

They always fight with each other when they are alone, but in front of you, they transform into really loving KorKor. Even their father is so surprised that he regretted he did not give them a little sister.

And many more…

We thank God for her and her family.

We thank God for you too, for we know that you have been a blessing to her too, in your own ways.

Love,

Mummy

Say Good Morning to my Baby

Most people will agree that once you become a mother, one of the obvious changes is you become a morning person, like it or not.

Well I agree that those days when baby is still young and needs feedings at night we don’t really wake up feeling great. Even the average, healthy, well-adjusted adults gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible, let alone we mothers of young babies. However, ever since baby starts to sleep for a good 10-11 hours through the night, waking up in the morning is no longer so awful but is full of joy as we see a happy and contented baby, who will always make our morning and our day.

Mine has never failed to do so. The first thing she does when she wakes up is to sit up, look for her friends and give them a bear hug, sometime one by one, many times all together. Her friends are Baby Pooh, Baby Piglet, Tigger and Donkey and they sleep together with her. And when I come in to say good morning, she will give me a beautiful smile. Sometimes a hug and kiss too upon requests. 

How can we not be happy and thanksful in the morning when we know we have another day of wonder and joy with our kids?

 

Good Morning Mummy!

Kah Yen turns 16-month old

Kah Yen turned 16-month old last Sunday. She is still on the bridge from babyhood to toddlerhood. She is taking her own sweet time and I am happily enjoying the last bit of her babyhood.

She is much more babbling now. She is exposed to both English and Chinese from young. She speaks more than just a few words now. Some of her vocabulary includes:

-    BaBa, MaMa, KorKor, JieJie, ShuShu, BaoBao (Chinese for Daddy, Mummy, Older brother, Older sister, Uncle and Baby)

-         MaoMao, MaMa, GouGou (Chinese for Cat, Horse and Dog), Duck Duck

-         Hua (Chinese for flower), Star and XinXin (Chinese for Star), Zou (Chinese for walk), Xiexie (Chinese for Thank you)

-         She also uses sign language for fish and bird, happy and sad (her own version), and sleep

Truly babies can understand much more than what they can talk. In terms of understanding, she always surprises me. She can point to most of her body parts including difficult ones like shoulder and knee. She knows a lot of things in our house because almost every night I carry her to say Good Night to the entire house. Every time I bring her to the park, she will point at trees, flowers, grass, lampposts and wait for me to say their names. She also understands some simple instructions that we use often during feeding, changing and playing with her.

She has a whole lot of sound effects. I think we probably have over done it with her. Other than the usual animal sounds, we make a lot of very exaggerating sound effects and she picks up lots of them. She surely looks like a litter chatterbox to us.

She is very playful on her own ways. She likes to play the shadow game on the wall with her hand. Her recent favorite also includes bending down with her head and hands rested on the floor and her buttock up to the sky, she can hold for 2 minutes and giggles non-stop. We are gradually convinced that we can throw her into a ballet class once she turns 2.  She likes to play “throwing the ball” game with us. She might be a good basketball player when she grows up, but I am not too sure if I will be supportive of that.

Her temperament is relatively mild. She does not throw tantrum very often, but she does cry or kick and arch her back if we take something away from her, or force her to leave the playground, or put her in the stroller when she wants to be carried. I hope these are just typical toddler behaviors. I always pray that she will be a gentle, kind and sweet girl when she grows up.

She is not walking on her own yet, but I see it happening soon.



Who says this is only for adults? I want to exercise too



I am a big girl now. Look! I can slide down



Is this a new toy for me?

                                            

Not exactly an outing

When you have a baby or a young toddler (by young I mean he or she still takes 2 naps a day), going out can be a big challenge until going down to the park right behind your block can also be called an outing sometimes.

That’s what happens to us. Going out during weekends is a big project that requires intense discussion and planning at least 2 days in advance, and don’t ever forget backup plans, which are equally important too.

We are quite particular about Kah Yen’s naps and bedtime routines, so during her first year, we always try to go out after her afternoon nap and make sure we come back in time for her bedtime. And her bedtime routine starts at 8pm! That means we only have around 3 hours and we do not own a car! Imagine how difficult it is. Sometime I feel we might as well stay at home to avoid the unnecessary stress, but going out for a fresh air is good for the baby as well as for us. Sometimes more for us because it can be much more challenging to keep the baby entertained throughout the day without losing our sanity.  

There are times we have to totally abandon our plan because Kah Yen wakes up too late from her afternoon nap. Many times we spend more than two thirds of the time on the road and one third of it on the place we went. Sometime by the time we reach the destination, we have not done what we planned to do then it is dinnertime, so we just eat and turn back.

Last Saturday is one of those days.

We planed to visit the toy store to get Kah Yen a new toy after lunch, something we wanted to do ever since her first birthday! However, she woke up in the morning with a mild running nose. After her playtime in the morning we give her some syrup then put her down for a nap. She slept all the way till 3pm. After her late lunch we figured we couldn’t bring her to the shopping center with air conditioning. Backup plans? Botanic garden but it is a bit too far. East Coast Park? Not too near either and the wind may be a bit too strong for a sick baby. Community Library? Library is also air-conditioned and it is even colder than shopping center. Looks like the only option is the park that’s three blocks away? But we went there everyday from Mon to Fri.

So in the end we decided we will push her for a 30 minutes walk to the library and back without going into the library. The husband will go in to borrow some new videos for our Sat night while we wait outside.

Not exactly an outing but guess what? We all enjoyed it. Nice weather and scenery, slow walk, ice cream on the way, chitchats and occasional giggles, and without having to rush – simple pleasures we have learnt to savor after becoming parents.

Stop just to smell the roses

"But tonight as I rock you and hold you so close
I think these are the times that I'll cherish the most
All the simple sweet pleasures we share everyday
Pretty lady Pretty lady we'll have memories to save" 

 - Pretty Lady by Kelly Willard

When I was pregnant, I read one article “42 things that change when you have a baby”, the first in the list is “You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.”

I agree I did that when my baby was first born and I was on maternity leave. At that time, looking after a baby is so easy. All she needs is feed, change and sleep. In the day she only briefly wakes up for an hour for feed and change and then she will be back for a two-hour nap. So I have plans to sip coffee and read books during her morning nap, do stretching and yoga exercise during her late morning nap, and nap together with her in the afternoon, and not to forget a romantic or inspiring or funny movie in the evening after putting her to bed. Yes I did all these except the coffee part, I actually did not drink coffee because I am breastfeeding, but just by putting down ‘sip a cup of coffee” in your list makes it feel a lot whole lot more relax and enjoyable. It is really not about the coffee.

And when I go out, everything looks so beautiful. I start to see the world from a mother’s eyes – everything has life and is precious, everything is a gift from above. Look at the leaves falling down the tree, what a beautiful dance under the sun! I also see the world from a baby’s eyes – everything is new and magical, the world is a wonderland. I see flowers and mud pies and rainbows so bright.

Oh and my precious baby. I spend every of her waking minute cuddling her. I kiss her over and over from top to toe. I look at her two little eyes full of wonder and love.  And when she is asleep, I can stand by her cot and look at her for as long as I could, and am mesmerized by her angelic sleep and her heart that beats to a beautiful rhyme.

But now, I am too busy to smell the roses.

I leave work by 740am in the morning. My baby wakes up at 730am. I have 10 minutes with her. I give her a morning hug and kiss, and then her bottle. I usually lie her down on our bed with the pillow popped up, in this way she can hold her own bottle while I rush to have some quick touch up on my face. After her bottle, it’s another quick hug followed by “How are you my baby? Did you have a good sleep? I am sure you had. Mummy is going to work. You will be a good girl Ok? Mummy will see you really soon!” Ok time to say goodbye. It is really a hi-and-bye kind of affair. The husband will be just ready to come in to wipe her, play with her while having his breakfast, and send her off to her Nanny. 

I spend nine hours of my day at work; it should be eleven hours including the traveling time. My work is not very demanding, sometimes I am really not busy but that makes me feel bad instead of good, because I am here wasting my time when I should have been with my baby. I don’t even know what is she doing now.

I knock off at 530pm, rush back to pick her up at 645pm. I then push her to the park and playground before picking up my dinner. Yes we spend a good 30 minutes in the park and playground. That’s the only quality time I have with her daily but the quality of it is also in question, because I am just too conscious of time – given that it is so limited. I do bring her to touch the leaves, smell the flowers, feel the grass and hear the birds singing, but in the back of my mind I am thinking “I better walk a bit faster so that we can reach the playground early to have 20 minutes there so that we can be home by 730pm so that her bedtime routine can start at 8pm so that she will be bed by 830pm”…. My head is always spinning. Same thing happens at the playground too. It is like shooting a movie, time is up and director shouts ‘Ok, cut!” There ends our playground time.

Yesterday I was feeling sick so my husband came back home early to take up her bedtime routine. While he is changing her on our bed I just lie there with her, just to be with her, feel her and smell her. And I smell the rose again. It is somewhere in the room.

After change, it is story time. I thought I better come out to wash the bottles and leave them two, but surprisingly, my baby cried seeing me leaving the room. Normally she is contented just to be with one of us, but today, she wants Mummy to be there too. She happily flips the book with Daddy while occasionally turns her head to find me there lying beside them, as if saying ‘Mummy, I just want to be with you, feel you and smell you.”

Letters to Kah Yen: The Nine Months

Dear Kah Yen,

You did not make a big announcement when you come. When I found out that I am pregnant, you are nearly 8 weeks old.

There is no sign of morning sickness, no vomiting, no nauseaness. I had none of these common pregnancy symptoms at the early stage. Only 5-6 weeks into the pregnancy I became extremely emotional, without knowing that it is the pregnancy hormone change. Those days I was very negative about my work, thinking that’s the worst job one could ever has and gives you no prospects at all. I also felt very lonely and very in need of more love. Your daddy has just quitted his job in Singapore and went to Malaysia to work for 3 months. I missed him a lot. One weekend I went down to KL to visit Daddy, Daddy made me try his favorite Penang Laksa. It is supposed to be very nice but the spice certainly does not go along with a pregnant woman’s tummy, so I felt terrible after eating it, and also felt terrible that I must have made your Daddy feel really bad.

Physically there isn’t any change from the outside yet. I continued my weekly jogging. I usually run for about an hour without much a problem, but that few times something just felt not right in the stomach. I struggled to finish the run and couldn’t figure out what’s wrong with my body.

The emotional hormone, the unusual tiredness during jogging, and also the growing appetite and cravings all point to one common suspect – pregnancy. However, I quickly shook off this idea from my head and refused to do any test. Why? It’s because we have not planned to start a family yet and we have done all the necessary protection. I just don’t think it is possible and don’t want to accept a single possibility of it. It must be something else.

Finally, in an attempt to rule out the possibility, I bought the pregnancy test kit, and the result is positive.

It is a big BANG for both of us. We did not plan to start a family so early. Our marriage has just started and we still need time to build on it. We have not saved enough to buy our first house. Daddy just quitted his job a month ago and has not landed on another steady one. Both of us are still young, I have just passed 25. We still have dreams of traveling around the world – both of us love backpacking. We couldn’t process this news very well. It came like a big storm, thundering and all windy, for a while we don’t know how to move forward.

The rainbow did not appear right after the storm, but peaceful weather does come our way. After the initial struggle, and talking with some older couple friends, we started to embrace the pregnancy. We can’t believe we are going to be parents. We started to see you as the biggest gift of our lives. And we know that although you have changed the track of our lives forever, you will bring great joy and blessing to us.

Mummy & Kah Yen @ 37 weeks

The rest of the nine-month is filled with excitement, joy and expectations. We started regular visits to the clinics for check-up. Our gynae used to be your Daddy’s aunt’s gynae, so guess how old and experienced he is, which also means he is overly popular. We usually spent a whole afternoon waiting for our turn to be checked, the check up lasted no more than 20 mins. We also enrolled ourselves in prenatal classes conducted by very famous B. B. Wong at Thomson Medical Center. Her class is supper popular and we are very lucky to have called at just the right time. She is funny, experienced and passionate about childbirth and childcare. Her class is never boring. And she also makes sure the husband will be actively involved in the class too. That’s how your Daddy learnt to give you a bath and change your diaper. 

While B. B. Wong’s class focuses more on childbirth and childcare, we are also very fortunate to be included in a lesson group volunteered by a couple from our church, also friends of your daddy.  The lesson is called ‘Growing Kids God’s Ways (GKGW)”, also commonly known as “BabyWise’ by the same author. It is centered on Parent Directed Feeding (PDF) and emphasizes a lot on building a feed/wake/nap routine for baby to raise a healthy baby, a healthy family. This lesson is truly God-sent. I would say that much of my confidence being a mum is a result of these lessons.

Daddy is also getting more and more excited with your arrival. He talked and read to you every night. He bought CDs to play to you. He wrote letters to you on our shared journal. He made breakfast on weekends so that I can sleep in a little more. He also accompanied me for swimming every week till my swimming suit can’t fit any more.

All shopping was done, your nursery was set up, and a date was fixed for me to have Caesarean section because you are in breech position. We had also made wishes of which part of you will be more like Daddy or Mummy. Daddy wished you will have Mummy’s lips while I claimed you would have your Daddy’s sparkling eyes, Daddy’s tall nose, and Daddy’s thick and black and naturally curl hair.

And we can’t wait for your arrival.

Love,
Mummy

It All Started With The Ball

Bang! Bang bang bang bang! Yes I didn’t hear wrongly. It is Kah Yen’s bowl falling onto the floor. I was stunned by the sharp noises when the bowl hit the floor, made a few turns, rolled forward, and stopped.

Is it an accident? That she accidentally wiped it off from the high chair, or she lost grip because it is too big and heavy for her? No. She threw it off the high chair. I saw it happen right in front of my own eyes.

It all started with the ball.

Before we talk about the ball, let me share with you why I am so shocked. You may think it is pretty normal for a toddle to throw things off the high chair, especially when they are fussy during mealtime. No not for Kah Yen. It has surprised me too to realize that she will never throw things. Like most parents, we often place some small toys or household items on the high chair for her to play while feeding her. She will never throw any of them to the floor even if she is bored with it. She will insist on passing them to Mama. Sometimes I will tell her to put on the table (I often feed her near our dining table) and she understood that instruction pretty fast.

It is the same when she is not on the high chair. If she is holding something and she doesn’t want it anymore, she will bend down slowly and put the thing on the floor, then proceed to play with other things. This is even before she learns to walk. She also constantly picks up tiny things from the floor when she started crawling and walking.

I told my husband about my observations and he said, “Because she is a Singaporean, she knows she cannot litter.” Hmm I never thought of that.

Back to the ball, yesterday after I almost finished feeding her. I saw her almost full and is losing interest in eating, so I introduced the “Playing Ball” game to her. I throw the ball to her high chair, and asked her to throw it back to me. She picked up pretty fast. She actually throws using the strength from her wrists. We played a few rounds and she liked it very much.

Then it happened. She just throws the bowl in front of me, exactly the same way she throws the ball. And she is all giggling and laughing.

"Mama, let's play"

I don’t know if I should laugh or cry. I picked up the bowl, told her firmly “ No Kah Yen. That’s not a ball. You only throw a ball, you don’t throw anything else.” I am hoping she understands it.

What happened to all the “Begin with the end in Mind.” & “Don’t train to un-train” principles? I thought I have stuck them in my mind pretty well but apparently they have gone for a one-way holiday. They are a few of the most important principles shared in the book “Babywise”. Essentially, it says, be mindful of what you introduce or teach your baby, so that you don’t have to correct them in the future. If you don’t want them to have the habit of playing ipad during mealtime, never ever introduce to them. Babies will be confused why last week they can play now they can’t. Don’t introduce TV to your babies during mealtime, if you don’t want yourself nagging for the rest of their growing-up years. Prevention is better than correction when it comes to training a toddler. Correction at this tender age is also difficult because toddlers do not understand the concept of right or wrong yet, and they also do not understand the reason or logic you try to explain to them.

In my case, throwing the ball off the high chair is the beginning of all evil.

I Am A Working Mum

I hate leaving office after work everyday. You must be thinking that I work late. No I don’t work late. I leave work at 530pm. Oh that’s early! You said. No I don’t leave early either. My work officially ends at 530pm. I leave ON TIME. I am punctual.

That’s the problem. People in your office expect you to be punctual for everything else – meetings, discussions, and project deadlines… But they don’t expect you to be punctual when it comes to knocking off for the day.

I leave work on time because I don’t believe in working overtime unless really necessary. To me it is not, because I am able to finish what I think are important and urgent for the day. Those I have not finished, I think they are neither important nor urgent enough to make me stay back. I have a whole new day tomorrow. There are times I stayed. When I was single I even worked over night on some critical moments. Not that I am not hard working.

I leave work on time because I am a Working Mum. I have less than 2 hours with my baby girl every day. And I do not want to waste a single minute of it.

BUT…I hate that I am actually a coward inside. I don’t walk out of the office standing tall and straight, waving bye-bye to everyone on the way, my eyes looking straight into their eyes, a smile on my face, as if saying ‘Hi there, I have finished my work. I am going home. You know, I have a baby at home’. Instead, these are the steps when I leave:

Step 1: From my cubicle, I half stand, look around me 360 degrees, make sure there aren’t many colleagues and bosses moving around, esp. the path to the back door must be cleared.

Step 2: Quickly put my hand phone in my handbag, still half stand, sneak out of my cubicle.

Step 3: Walking straight line to the back door, looking downward, and pretending I am still perplexed by some important issues at work. If there is anyone enters into my side view, don’t turn the head; continue walking pretending I do not see them.

Finally out of the back door, you think I can relax now? Not yet, I have not cleared the lift lobby yet.

During the whole process I feel like I have conducted the world’s worst 10 crimes, and I should be awfully guilty and ashamed, and I better disappear quickly because it hurts other people’s eyes seeing me.

In my office, I am one of the earliest to leave. Not many people leave on time, even those I don’t see as very busy. Partly it is just the culture here in Singapore, in Asia. My office also has mostly guys. Guys are different. They can have career as their priority even when they are fathers. There are only 7 ladies. One of them is the secretary, she always leaves early but nobody will say anything because secretaries get to leave early, regardless they are mothers or not. 3 are single, they have all crossed 30 and 2 of them are Assistant Managers, so I guess it is not too wrong to put them under the ‘Career Woman’ category for this analysis’s sake. The other 2 are also young mothers, but one of them has 1 maid and 2 parents at home and the other one is driving, so at least they don’t need to rush as much as me.

I am a working mum. It takes me 1hr 15 mins by Bus –MRT –Walk to reach home, so I reach home at 645pm. I then change and walk passes 3 blocks to pick up my baby girl Kahyen from our nanny, by the time we come down from nanny’s place it’s about 7. She sleeps at 830pm and bedtime routine starts at 8pm (Wipe/Change/Milk/Book). I have practically one hour before her bedtime and I make a point to bring her to the park and playground everyday, and then pack dinner for husband & myself. By the time we reach home we have only 15mins for dinner. Did I tell you I forget how to chew food after becoming a mother?

The husband does not knock off so early so we decided it is too stressful for me to pick up the baby and cook dinner. We pack, and Chinese cooked rice most of the days. We decided that spending quality time with Kahyen is of higher priority than what we eat for dinner for now. After she goes to Childcare, it will be a whole new challenge then because Childcare does not provide dinner, and we probably can’t have a less than 2 year kiddo eat outside food everyday. I will have to figure out how to cook and do so many other things at the same time.

So now you know why I leave work at 530pm.



Picture source: askamum.co.uk



Introduction

Just like that, I have started writing a blog.

You may be wondering why I did not start this blog with an introduction post. The truth is, if I do that, this blog won’t be open in another 12 months. From first contemplating writing journals/diaries at the age of 15, more than a decade has passed, and I still have not finished one notebook. When I first got pregnant, I thrilled at the idea of starting a blog to record my 40 weeks of pregnancy, to write letters to my unborn baby. It did not happen and I blamed all the pregnancy hormones. I told myself never mind, I can start writing after she is born, the birth story, the milestones, the first birthday celebration etc, all will be nice and sweet. One year has passed since she was born, last December I have finally registered a name with Blogpost and left it untouched ever since. 3 months has passed I am still drafting the introduction in my head. You know? It is a brand new thing I am doing, it is a brand new blog I am starting, come on, the introduction has to be a blast, a grand opening. It has to list 10 reasons why I start the blog and 10 things I am going to do after starting the blog and 10 reasons why you should follow my blog, and on and on it goes, the introduction was never ready.

And just like that, the other day I was looking at my baby girl and thinking what a girly girl she is, and I should write it down before she grows up. And just like that, I have published my first post and I am blogging now.

I like writing. I always think I like writing, although I haven’t written anything other than the compositions in primary and secondary school. Words are beautiful; to put your t thoughts and emotions into words is like a form of art. Writing is a form of relaxation. Have you heard that there are 3 simple forms of distress methods? – Deep breathing exercise, listening to music and writing. Write down your worries and grievance, you will be surprised that they will be gone from your mind. Write down your happy feelings, and they will be in your memories forever. It’s magical. It’s exactly like “Writes your worries on the sand, Carve your blessings in stone’.

As I shared in my personal profile, I have been following a number of local parenting blogs lately. Here is what I observed. Firstly, of course you must have beautiful and adorable kids to write about. Secondly, you must bring them out & about very often so you have lots of events to write about. Lastly, you probably should have a DSLR and take really nice photos. I guess I am only close to the first criteria (And that's provided you have no objection :-)). Hence, it's going to be a humble start.

Girly Girl

As my baby girl Kah Yen celebrates her first birthday, becomes more mobile, vocal and expressive, I am starting to realize that I have gotten a really girly girl here. And I am pleasantly surprised.

I myself am nothing close to a girly girl. I dress normal, actually plain most of the time. I just leave my hair to rest on my shoulder and grow on its own, no perm-ing, no straightening, and it is trimmed at maximum once a year only. I don’t do fancy make-up, mainly because I don’t know how to do and how to even shop for the huge variety of cosmetics and make-up stuff; every time I enter the ground floor of a department store (where all the sales girl are so eager to transform you into Miss Universe), I just look straight and pass by the counters really fast pretending that I am really busy and having important agendas. I have pretty big appetite; I just don’t believe those girls who always order less rice and 2 vegetables only are actually full. I am not! And I need meat for every meal, so you can guess what’s my least favorite stall at food court – Yong Tau Foo. ……. The list can go on but I think I better stop before you ask me the very embarrassing question ‘How did your husband fall in love with you?”

That’s why I said I am pleasantly surprised to find out that I have gotten a girly girl. It has to be from her daddy. Don’t get me wrong. He is a real man but can be really gentle and sweet inside sometimes.

When Kah Yen is a few months old, there is once I pushed her in her pram to the shop house nearby to buy some breakfast cereal. Since the shop house is very cramped, I had to stop the pram near the counter and went inside the aisle to pick up my cereal. There is one old woman talking to the cashier, who is also an old lady, they are talking very loud and fast and in dialect – a foreign language to Kah Yen, and the next thing I heard is she burst out crying, for no reason to the others but I can tell from her face that she is scared. The old woman was attempting to coo her down which only made things worse. Another time happened in the neighborhood Hawker center. I stopped the pram in front of the Chinese Cooked Food to pack my dinner, there is a table nearby and 5 to 6 uncles are drinking beer and talking loudly. My baby girl looked at them for a minute and she started crying. She must be complaining ‘DON’T BE SO RUDE TO ME PLEASE, UNCLES.” She certainly preferred to be talked to in a gentle way.

When she started on solid food, she would chew slowly bit by bit without opening her mouth. If I offered the spoon before she finished chewing her food, she will just keep her mouth shut till she finished the last bit. It drives me up to the wall sometimes especially when I was running out of time, but I have learnt to accept the fact that I can’t compare her with those chubby boys all my friends have.

And during mealtime, if her hand accidentally touches any food, she will stop eating and put her hand in front of me, waiting for me to clean it up. She does the same when there is any food drop on her table. By the way, when she is around 9 month old, she has already leant from me to use tissue to wipe the table and her mouth. It is really cute seeing her doing it. It is not really effective in getting the job done though but I am hoping practice will make things perfect by the time she turns 2. It will save me a lot of trouble!

When she started crawling actively on the floor, she has this habit of picking up any dirt or dirt-like things on her way and passes them to me. She will pick it up, stop crawling, point to me and wait for me to pick up from her hand. I totally did not expect a baby to do such a thing. I mean we all know that babies will always make a big mess of your dining table, your living room floor, and any other territory that is within their reach. I was told my mum that I actually played with my own poo poo for hours before she found out. Looks like I have gotten a baby that has the potential to help me wipe tables and sweep floor by the time she turns to 3. Halleluiah! All my hard work will be paid off by then.

She also insists on wearing her super cute Disney mini-mouse shoe every morning, long before she even learns to walk, and she will protect if you try to take them off. She’d learnt to comb her hair with my comb too. She hasn’t learnt to choose her own clothes yet but I am seeing that coming soon.

She is really adorable being so girly. I love every bit of her girly side. I mean come on, aren’t girls supposed to be girly? The term “ungirly girl’ itself already sounds contradicting. That’s what girls are made of right? - Sugar and spice and all things nice.

I am secretly hoping a bit more sugar and less spice though.



Do I look pretty in this new hat?