Tuesday 31 July 2012

A different Friday (Part Two)

The second half of the day is as peaceful as the first, if not better.

Lunch (12 – 1:00pm)

Lunch is not only a time to meet her nutritional needs. It can also be a time to train her self-control. To start with, Kah Yen has never had a single meal eaten while wandering around the house or sitting on our laps. We always make sure she sits in her highchair and sits till the meal is finished. I have not taught her to self-feed yet so mummy still controls the spoon. She will be given one or two small toys to play with. Most of the time she eats her food without complaint but sometimes she does. When it happens, I will try to give her a small break and then feed again. If she becomes fussy then meal is done. I am slowly moving her towards no toys during mealtime so as to prepare her to self-feed. It will require some hard work.

I fed her first then I had mine quickly while she continued to sit on her highchair. We will never put her down until our own lunch is done, we don’t want her to wander around or even ask us to carry her when we are still having our lunch. For today, I even extended her sitting time further. I let her sit on the highchair and do some quiet reading while I cleaned up the plates. Yes, just another 10 minutes on the highchair, she learns to focus and concentrate and develop self-control, while I can get the plates cleaned. I killed two birds with one stone. But of course for the start I moved the highchair from the living room to the kitchen door when I cleaned the plates so that we can always see each other.

When my plates were done, I brought her down and let her play freely for about 10 minutes to help with her digestion, before I put her down for a nap.


Afternoon Nap (1:30 – 4:30pm)

Kah Yen usually goes down for her afternoon nap somewhere between 1pm to 2pm, unless on the rare occasions we were out in the morning and came back late. She’d sleep for about one and a half to two hours. During weekends that’s the best part of the day. The house is quiet and peaceful. We can either lie down for a nap ourselves, or read a book or blog or read something on the internet, or get some chores down, or even go out to get a haircut or a quick shopping.

For today, I chose to take a nap after I washed and cut the vegetables to prepare for dinner. What better way to spend a Friday afternoon than to catch up a much-needed sleep? I bet thousands of folks are daydreaming about it in their offices right now. I think I must have dozed off the minute my head touched the pillow and the next thing I know is, when I opened my eyes after hearing Kah Yen babbling to herself, the clock pointed at 4:30pm. Gosh! I totally did not expect both of us would sleep for so long. I tried to recall in the back of my mind and I was very sure that I had not taken any alcohol or anything close to it. Great! I was glad that my body finally received the energy booster. And Kah Yen looked all refreshed and happy too after her quality nap.


Afternoon milk & Quiet play (4:30 – 5:00pm)

After I gave her afternoon milk it was nearly 5pm, so I decided to cut short on her quiet play. My original plan is for her to play quietly on her bed for half an hour just like in the morning. We snuggled, tossed and tickled on our bed till 5pm.


Focus play with Mummy (5 – 5:30pm)

My plan was to let her have free play from 4pm to 4:30pm while I fold the laundry, and focus play with mummy from 4:30pm to 5pm, then we will be out in the park for one hour before her dinner. Since we overslept, I have to cut off free play and we spent half an hours playing together. This is really precious because we hardly have a chance to do this on weekends, either because we were out, or because I was spending most of my time in the kitchen preparing lunch or dinner. She had more play time with Daddy than with me.

Today, we did some craft together. We have been reading the "Corduroy helps out” book this week, there was a scene of Corduroy the bear and his friends cut out yellow hearts to pass to all the community helpers to show their appreciation. I promised her we’d cut some hearts together. So that’s what we did. I drew the hearts on large color paper, Kah Yen (sort of) helped with coloring the hearts, and I then cut the hearts and applied glue while Kah Yen was in charge of sticking them on her notebook. This is my first time during real craft with her, and I would say I am very happy with her. She was engaged, she followed what I told her to do, she never touched the scissor after I told her only mummy uses the scissor, and she even helped with the packing at the end of it. We also drew an apple and the letter A and cut them out. Apple was one of her favorite words now because we are reading the book “Apply Farmer Annie” to her and she loves to call “Apply Annie”, though it sounds more like “Apple Nanny” sometimes.


Outdoor play (5:30 – 6:00pm)

We were only left with half an hour for outdoor play. I planned to bring her for a walk in the park and to our Nanny’s place to play with Korkor for a while. But since we only had half an hour I decided to push her around the neighborhood and to the supermarket for me to get something. It was a short trip but enjoyable nevertheless. Kah Yen likes to be out and she get excited by anything she sees, be it cars or buses on the road, trees or flowers on the sidewalk, cats or dogs walking pass…A new thing that amuses her recently are the numerous flags big and small hanging around the neighborhood celebrating the coming of National Day, she doesn’t say the word “flag” yet but she would point at the flags and shout “moon and stars!” – for there are one crescent moon and 5 stars on the national flag.


Kah Yen Dinner (6 – 6:30pm)

We’d love to have dinner together with her as much as possible but on weekdays, because we can only reach home around 7pm, she will have her dinner at around 6pm at our Nanny’s place. Hence I decided to follow her usual schedule and feed her dinner at 6pm, before I prepare our own dinner. It took me only 5 minutes to heat up her porridge, and at the same time I managed to put rice and chicken into our rice cooker for our own dinner. Kah Yen was very easy and she finished her dinner in 15 minutes.


Table play (6:30 – 7:00pm)

This is something I learnt recently. Normally on weekends if I am busy preparing dinner in the kitchen, Daddy will be playing with Kah Yen in the living room. Of course there is nothing wrong with it but after I read about table play, I realized that it is yet another opportunity to train her self-control and free both Daddy and Mummy to either prepare dinner or get other chores done. Today as I prepared our dinner, I put her on the highchair near the kitchen door and passed her a small toy (her Noah’s Ark). In this way she was not touching things she shouldn’t or getting dangerously underfoot in the kitchen. She can clearly see me and we can chat as I cook and she plays. This is amazing. She practices self-control while I get dinner on the table, without any “messes” occurring throughout the house.

Kah Yen plays on highchair

Bath time (7 – 7:30pm)

I actually planned to bath her after our dinner but since Daddy called to inform that he would only reach home at 7:30pm, I decided to give her shower first. Since dinner was already prepared I felt so relaxed so we had a long bath.


Family Dinner (7:30 – 8pm)

This is our usual family dinnertime on weekdays. It is also our only family time together for the whole day. Since young Kah Yen had always joined us in our dinnertime. We will have brief conversations to talk about our day, while Kah Yen played on her highchair. With the presence of Daddy and Mummy, she is more than happy to just sit and play on her own, but of course we will try to engage her once in a while. Some days we will give her some food from our plates, like steamed egg or tofu or soup.


Bedtime (8 – 8:30pm)

It is ideal if we can have some family play time together before bedtime. We are less rigid on this because with both of us reaching home at 7pm or even later, there is really not much time left to play with her. We are much more strict on her bedtime at this young age and we believe it will yield positive results in the long run. After we were done with dinner, Daddy played with Kah Yen for about 10 minutes while I cleaned the table and prepared milk for her. Bedtime starts at 8pm and she will be bed by 8:30pm everyday. It is peaceful and predictable.

Daddy volunteered to wash the plates and bottles since I had a long day. And we had the rest of the evening to ourselves to relax. I looked back at this day I couldn’t have enjoyed it even more. Kah Yen was also exceptionally happy and easy because Mummy was at home. I am going to do this more often when work permits.


Monday 30 July 2012

A different Friday (Part One)


One of the things that make me awfully guilty as a working mum is that I don’t even know how my daughter spends her day during the weekdays. Except for lunch, dinner, late morning and afternoon milk, afternoon nap, I don’t know how she spends the rest of her time. Most of the time is free play I guess – a nice name for a random, unstructured, aimlessly wandering around kind of activity. 

I have been reading about the benefits of having a structure and flexible routine in a toddler’s day. It saddens me that there is very little I can implement because I spend a good eleven hours away from her from Monday to Friday. We try to work routine into our weekends but weekends are largely filled by outings and special events that are strangers to routine. Hence, I have always been dreaming if God graces me with a flexible work schedule and an extra day a week with my daughter, how will that be like? Dreams lead you to do things out of the ordinary sometimes. That’s what I did last Friday. I took a day off when I don’t have any doctor appointments or bank visits or shopping plans. Yes, a day with just me and my 20-month old toddler.

No. We did not have a “Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day”. We had an orderly day, a joyful day and a fulfilling day together. This is how our day looked like.

Good Morning (8 – 8:30am)

The most wonderful part of the day has to be when I was woken up by the giggle and babbling of Kah Yen rather than the alarm clock. Yes, I chose to sleep in to give the day a great start. We both woke up at about 8am and Daddy was already up and ready to have his breakfast before he goes to work. After a big morning kiss and hug, I gave her milk bottle and sneaked into the bathroom for a quick shower while Daddy was still at home. When I came out, she was sitting at the dining table accompanying Daddy for breakfast – a special father & daughter moment happens every weekday after I left the house.

She was so surprised to see me coming into the living room. She must think I have already left for work after giving her bottle, as I always did. She pointed at me and shouted “Mummy! Mummy Mummy!!” I looked at the smile on her face I know I have made the right choice to spend a day at home.

Shower & Breakfast (8:30 – 9:30am)


After seeing Daddy off at 830am, I gave her a long bath, then I left her to play with her toys while I quickly prepared us some French toast by frying bread soaked in egg and milk. It is not very often we have French toast for breakfast; most days she eats her baby cereal. So this is my special treat for her. Her appetite is not big though; she finishes most than half of the bread but not the whole piece. She sat and played on her highchair while I finished my breakfast and cleaned the plates.


Room Play (9:30 – 10am)

My original plan is to encourage her to spend half an hour play quietly in the room after breakfast while I prepare her lunch. It certainly needs more practice though. We have never had a chance to train her to play in the room on her own with us out of sight, because in weekends at least one of us is always available to play with her while the other person is busy. Every time I tried to leave the room she would stand up and follow after me. I decided to cut her some slack this round so I let her play freely near me while I get her porridge on the gas stove, so that we can go out to have our outdoor play.

Outdoor Play (10 11am)

This is one of my favorite parts of the day. Every child loves outdoor play, and I love the sun and fresh air too. So off we went to our neighborhood park. The sun is too bright we did not go to the playground, but settled in the gym area with more trees and shades. I planned to let Kah Yen play on her own for the first half before I join her. She happily wandered around, amazed by everything that’s near her sight, including the falling leaves, the snuggling cat, the cars coming in and out the carpark, the rubbish truck that’s making funny noises. She even caught two fighter jets passing by. She is obsessed with airplanes lately and I am glad we finally saw the real ones.

After about 20 minutes I joined her. I brought ball and bubble with us, both are her favorite activities and we played for as long as 30 minutes on them. When it is near 11am I pushed her back and bought some ingredients for my lunch along the way.

Outdoor play time


Mid morning milk & Quiet play (11-11:30am)

I love this part because she was capable of playing quietly with herself for as long as half an hour. After I gave her milk, I put her on the bed and told her to have some quiet time with herself. This quiet time is very important after she quits her morning nap at around 18-month old, because it ensures she gets some time to rest so she will not be cranky during lunch time. I practice quiet time on Saturdays too (if we are at home). I turned on some classic music and placed two picture books on her bed and left the room. She would lie down to listen to the music, sit up and flip the picture books, talk to herself and talk to her Baby Pooh. She never made any noise for the entire 30 minutes.

The magical part of the quiet play is Mummy is free to prepare her own lunch. In my case I managed to cook homemade noodle within that time. And her porridge was also ready by then.


Focus Play with Mummy (11:30 – 12:00pm)

After I prepared my own lunch, I went into the room to give her lots of praise for her self-control and then joined to play with her. I cuddled her on our bed and we went through the ABC book together briefly. We spent about 15 minutes on it before I let her down on her feet while I get lunch on the table.

Morning was gone and I was truly grateful that Kah Yen was so easy. Neither of us was tired or cranky. And I looked forward to the afternoon of more time spending together. A large part of the afternoon will be consumed by lunch and afternoon nap, but still I have plans to build more structure to the rest of it. 

Wednesday 25 July 2012

Praising our young children

I have mentioned before that I am not naturally a positive and encouraging person. I find it difficult to verbally praise people sometimes – either I can’t find the right word, or most of the time the critical/judgmental side of me find there is nothing significant to be praised for, unless they have accomplished something remarkable.

It’s okay in the adult world because too much praise can come across as insincere anyway, and people you praised may feel uncomfortable or even embarrassed. The same is not true in the young children’s world. Our children need a lot of praise and encouragement to feel secure, loved, and to thrive. Praising them for their efforts and good behaviors (big or small) also encourage more positive behaviors for young children, especially so because they do not fully understand good or bad, right or wrong yet.

Hence, being a mother of a young toddler, I have constantly reminded myself mentally to heap on praise. But you know sometimes reminding yourself mentally is equivalent of putting it behind – you forgot about it. I found myself not praising her enough and my praise is very dry, limited to “You are a good girl today”, “You are such a clever girl” and "Well-done, good job”, neither specific nor genuine enough.  I thought I could do better in this area hence I am taking the time to write down the little things that I can praise her for in everyday life.

We want to see Kah Yen growing up to be kind, gentle and strong, to be patient, obedient and with good self-control, and also to be polite and kind to others, hence I try to praise her specially in these areas when I see her good behaviors.

In the morning:

  1. For lying or playing quietly on her bed after waking up, instead of crying for attention (Praising her for being patient)
  2. For waiting on our bed after her milk for Daddy to come out from shower and change her. Mummy usually leaves for work at this time & will play music for her and pass her two picture books. (Praising her for being patient and obedient)

In the day / In general:

  1. For finishing her food
  2. For packing up her toys after playing, with the help of Mummy
  3. For asking for a drink or biscuit in a happy voice, instead of whining
  4. For saying hello and bye-bye to a friend or a visitor (Praising her for being polite)
  5. For playing with her toys, not running around and touching ‘off-limits’ things (Praising her for being focus and having self-control)
  6. For being helpful to Mummy, example: taking her own shoes before going out, putting her water bottle back to the table after drinking, throwing used tissue to the rubbish bin
  7. For stop touching the remote controller, our hand phones or mummy’s wallet after a reminder from Daddy or Mummy (Praising her for being obedient)
  8. For getting up by herself after falling down (Praising her for being strong)
  9. For picking up toys which are accidentally dropped to the floor
  10. For sitting still in a restaurant after finishing her food. We normally give her a book or her notebook and crayon to keep her sit still (Praising her for having self-control)
  11. For being quiet during church services. She seldom makes noises or runs out of sight, some small toys and a piece of biscuit will keep her happy and contented throughout the service (Praising her for having self-control)
  12. For sharing her toys with other children (Praising her for being kind)


In the evening:

  1. For washing hands, brushing teeth and washing her hair without screaming or protesting
  2. For coming to shower or bedroom when it is bedtime without whining or protesting (Praising her for being obedient)
  3. For sitting still and finish reading a book with Mummy (Praising her for having self-control)
  4. For lying quietly in bed during Bible reading time (Praising her for having self-control)
Of course I am not saying here that she does all these things consistently. No, She doesn’t. And that’s the reason our praise is even more important because she learns from Mummy's response that it is a good behavior and over time she will be more self-controlled, more obedient and more consistent at doing those things.


PS: There are tons of articles on the internet caution you against over-praising your children too, in their cases, mainly bigger children. I did not read them all but personally I think these two articles are good reads:

Too Much Praise Is No Good for Toddlers” from The New York Times telling you the peril of too much person-based instead of process-based praise.

The Right Way to Praise Your Kids” from WebMD shares with you the do’s and don’ts to keep in mind before you break out in applause.

Kah Yen the big sister

It is hard to put these two words together - "Kah Yen" and "The big sister". I mean naturally she will be the big sister next time when she has siblings, but looking at my 20-month old daughter right now, it is just hard to imagine her being a big sister.

She is probably the mildest little girl I have ever seen. Running to us at the sound of any sudden noise, be it from the rubbish truck downstairs, or the old and dying water pipe from our bathroom, she is afraid of them. Burying her face on our shoulder when too many people entered into the lift we are in, she finds them intimidating. When we are taking a walk in the neighborhood park, she's happily trot after us, but if there is any old uncle or grandma sitting at a bench nearby looking at her, she'd refuse to make any step forward and insist on us carrying her. She doesn't like people "staring" at her......

And she has two big brothers at our Nanny's place, they are our Nanny's grandchildren and play with her after their pre-school every afternoon. They dot her a lot. She is their "Meimei". I know how close she is to them 'coz every night when I pick her up, she happily says "Korkor Byebye" and flies kisses without any prompting. Sometimes when I give her milk bottle, she'd say "Meimei milk time", and when I put her down to bed, she'd say "Meimei sleep" - I guess that's what the two Korkor say to her in the day.

Yeah I know it is too early to worry and she might just change when she is bigger. So let's put it aside. Last Saturday we brought her to a friend's place for a birthday gathering, and another friend also brought his 2-month old baby Annabel. We had a glimpse of Kah Yen being around with baby and we are very happy to say that we see a big sister in her.

Look at her. She was so amazed by baby Annabel. She spent most of her time lingering around her while we enjoy the food and our conversations. She'd stand beside her and look at her. And when I asked her to sayang baby (Malay word for "love"), she will gently stroke baby's face and head. She also stood behind the rocking chair and tried to rock the baby, though it is way too heavy for her to rock. She spent the rest of the evening running around the house, only to find herself returning to the baby every few minutes.


Kah Yen stands beside Baby Annabel


Kah Yen tries to rock baby Annabel

Husband and I concluded that we should have our second baby soon, yes it is always our desire to have two siblings close in age, but there are other factors right now to consider so we might not be planning one soon. As for Kah Yen, we believe that as she grows, she will be a good big sister who is kind, gentle and loving to her siblings, 'coz these are the values we try to instil in her all the time.

Friday 20 July 2012

Be a good girl today, okay?

I was never known as a person who is very good at talking.

When I was a child, I was a quiet and shy girl. Later when I learnt about personality types, I knew I am an introvert, who does more listening than talking most of the time. My field of work is engineering - you face data more than facing people, no presentations, no sales talks. I am not one of those natually encouraging type who is an expert at saying "Don't worry dear, everything is going to be alright." or "Well done, good job!". Husband and I had our fair share of arguments and fights in our marriage due to mis-communication.

Hence, as a mother I have been constantly reminding myself how to talk to my baby - be encouraging, speak positive words, offer a lot of praises and be very clear when giving instructions. Be encouraging and praising the child is a big topic by itself, and I still have a lot to learn about it, but today I want to share about giving instructions to the child, something I am so accustomed to in daily life, I seldom stop and think if I am doing it the right way. It is not until I chanced upon an article on "The toddlerhood transition" book did I realize some of my ways of talking to Kah Yen actually send the wrong message.

For example, "Be a good girl today, okay?" sounds alright right? - but the author calls it "Sending the wrong empowerment message". Let me explain.

(1) Asking our children for permission while giving instructions

I think I often do it without realizing so. Examples like:

When we are going out, "We are going out, let's play with this toy later, okay?"
At the playground, "It's late already, let's go back home, okay?"
On the road, "Kah Yen, Mummy is going to put you inside the stroller, okay?"
In the store, "Kah Yen, don't touch that, okay?"
... ...

As a parent, we really do not need to add "okay" to the end of our instructions because we do not need to seek our child's permission. "Okay?" or "All right?" at the end of our instruction sends the wrong message. Actually what we really mean is "Do you understand me?" It is better to use the full statement because asking if the child is "okay" with our instruction only undermines our authority. Imagining if Kah Yen is old enough to articulate, she might just reply "No, Mummy, I want to play some more." And it is only right I have to respect her decision because I asked her for it.

(2) Giving instruction to our children as an option when no option is available

It is another misleading form of instruction. What might this sound like? It is naptime but instead of saying, "You're going to take a nap", we give our child an option we really don't mean to give. We ask "Do you want to take a nap now?". Just think about it, which toddler is looking forward to saying "Yes" to that question?

I can still remember there was one night, Kah Yen was not fully recovered from her flu yet. She was fussing at bedtime and cried everytime I tried to put her down. I was not irritated or impatient, because I knew she was not feeling well. After some 10 minutes in the room of carrying and patting her, I gentlely said "Kah Yen, it is very late already. Do you want to sleep now?" When she raised her head and shook it I knew I was wrong. What I really should have said is "Kah Yen, it is very late already. You are going to sleep now."

From a developing toddler's perspective, he or she is interpreting our question as an option during a time when no option was meant to be given. This leads to confusion because we are sending a mixed message. There will be times when giving an option is appropriate but not when true obdience is called for.

The one principle that has been around for years should still be true, especially when giving instructions to children "Say what you mean and mean what you say".

I still have a lot to learn about communicating to a child.


PS: Part of this post is from the book "The toddlerhood transition" - part of the "Preparation for parenting" series by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo.

Monday 16 July 2012

Look who is talking (Part 2)

At 19-month plus, Kah Yen is picking up talking very fast, although she still uses mainly words and phases instead of sentences when we engage her, I found them really cute when coming out of her mouth. I think I will miss these days when she is fully capable of talking at age 4 or 5. I wrote down some small conservations with her (Ok, calling it a conservation is kind of flattery I have to admit), every time I re-read I can't help smiling. And here are some more.


(7) Bread is nicer

She likes bread more than anything these days. Mummy of course wanted her to have a balanced diet so I was trying to sit her down and offer her some papaya in the afternoon. She refused and asked for bread. I gave up and passed her the bread.

I then ate the papaya myself, trying to exaggerate the sound effect when I bite and swallow so as to get her interest in papaya.

Mummy:   Wah, 木瓜好吃!(Papaya is nice)
Kah Yen:  (Looked at me for a second, looked at the bread in her hand, and said) 面包好吃!(Bread is nice)
Mummy: ...

PS: I won't be surprised if she says "Bread is nicer" next time. When it comes to food, they learn faster than anything.


(8) Her name

Recently she starts to realize that she has a name "Kah Yen" while Daddy is called Daddy and Mummy is called Mummy. She started to address herself by name. It is very cute hearing her saying her own name.

Daddy came in to chang his t-shirt while Mummy and Kah Yen were playing in the room.

Kah Yen: (Point to Daddy) 爸爸!
Mummy: Yes, 爸爸穿衣服
Kah Yen: (Poin to her own clothes) 恩恩穿衣服!(Kah Yen wear clothes)


(9) Saying "Thank you"

In my limited time with her everyday in the evening, I try my best to teach her politeness and manners. She says "Byebye Popo" everyday I pick her from Nanny. Now she is saying "Thank you" too.

At the dining table, Kah Yen was scribbling on her highchair while we were having our dinner.

Kah Yen: (Take the crayon and pass to Daddy) 爸爸画飞机 (Daddy draw airplane)
Daddy: Ok, Daddy draw an airplane for you.
Kah Yen: 谢谢爸爸!(Thank you Daddy!)


(10) Asking for help

As I have said my focus recenly is to teach her manner. So I insist she says "Mummy help" whenever she needs me to get anything for her. I am glad she picked up very fast.

At the highchair, Kah Yen wants to draw with her marker pen but can't open the cap.

Kah Yen: (Pass the pen to me) Mummy help!
Mummy: Good girl Kah Yen. Let Mummy help you open the cap

I am a strong believer of teaching children manners at a very young age and I am glad to see it is working. Next is to teach her to say "Sorry' when she has done something wrong. Teaching by example is the best way but both husband and I are not the type that say "Please", "Thank you" and "Sorry" at home all the time. We gotta do it consciously though in order to model a good example to her.

Wednesday 11 July 2012

It's bedtime

Just a simple sharing about my experience of bedtime with Kah Yen.


Yesterday when it was bedtime, Kah Yen was still playing with Daddy, as usual. Daddy was building the tower while Kah Yen helped to take out the blocks one by one. It was 7:45pm and our usual time to change her and prepare her to sleep. So I told her "Kah Yen, after you helped Daddy take out all the blocks, it is time to change and sleep", then I stood by the side and watched them playing. Kah Yen kept saying "There are more, more" in Chinese as she continued taking out the blocks. Finally when she took out the last piece and passed to Daddy, we applauded her for helping out and for such a beautiful tower they have built. What happened next totally came as a surprise. Kah Yen, stood up from the floor, walked right into me and extended her hands - she was asking me to carry her to sleep! 


Both husband and I did not expect her to be SO cooperative and even spontaneous when it comes to transiting to bedtime. She is a 19-month active toddler after all. Though our bedtime routine with her has been relatively easy - most days she will be in bed by 8:30pm - it does involve a lot of coaxing or repetitive commanding or using of force. Sometimes she was running around the house so I had to catch her and grab her to the bedroom; Sometimes she was in the middle of playing a toy and she would refuse to leave it at my first or second attempt to remove her, I'd usually give in and wait for another 2-5 minutes to try again. On bad days when she simply did not like to go to sleep, then you would see her screaming and kicking while we lied her down to change her.


I usually use the time method. It is too complicated to tell her "7:45pm", so I'd normally say "It is almost 8 o'clock and mummy is going to change you in another 2 (or 5) minutes time." Of course I don't expect her to under what is "8 o'clock" and what is "2 minutes" yet, although she does look up to the clock every time I say "8 o'clock", it does serve as a verbal warning to convey the message that "Mummy is going to change me soon". When 2 minutes is over and I go to pick her up, she has already been prepared mentally to leave the toy behind, so we won't have a power struggle, though as I have shared, there are times I have to forcefully grab her or give in another 2-3 minutes, the end result is usually met. But since she does not have the full ability to measure time yet, I think it might be better for me to use the timer/alarm clock method. I have heard good things about it but haven't tried it yet.


Another way I am working on is emphasizing on transition. What do I mean? Whenever I am transiting her from one activity to another, give a name for the next activity and purposely go overboard with enthusiasm and excitement to get her attention. It works perfectly for "Shower time" and "Milk time". Every time I shout "It is shower time", she will drop everything she is doing and run towards the bathroom, same goes for "Milk time". So I try to use the the phase "Change time" whenever it is time to change her (On weekdays she will take bath after dinner at our Nanny's place, so we don't give her shower at home). She hasn't quite gotten the meaning of change yet though, and also she likes shower and milk much more than changing of course so I am not expecting her to run to me when I call "Change time", but at least, coupled with the time method, it enhances the effect.


Lastly it is the method I was using yesterday - using the end of an event as the timer. Example, after building a tower or finishing drawing a picture or solving a simple puzzle. Of course Mummy needs to have the wisdom to know the event can be finished in the next few minutes. Some form of play you can't simply put an end to it, like "playing with the toy car", Mummy will need to think of other ways then. Yesterday was the first time it worked almost perfectly, I reckon the reason being the instruction is simple and clear and she is capable of understanding it fully. I will definitely try this method more often.


Of course all these methods only work when there is already a bedtime routine in place - your toddler goes to bed at about the same time every day and the sequence of events lead to bed are the same.


Mums out there, what is your most effective way of getting your toddler to bed? I'd love to learn from you.

Monday 9 July 2012

Look who is talking

Before Kah Yen was 18-month old I was still trying to count her vocabulary on a monthly basis - not that I worried about her speech development, but I was just too excited everytime I hear her utter a new word. Things changed now she has passed 19-month old, she can copy almost every word we were saying and is also trying to form simple sentences. Looking at the speed she is learning to talk, both husband and I are starting to feel pressuried that we may have a chatterbox in the making - as we both are very quiet people sometimes.

Here are some of her simple conversations with us. She is bilingual but speaks mostly Chinese with us now. For the below conversations, I am talking to her in Chinese but since this is an English blog, I will write them down in English.


(1) Sleep on Mummy's bed 

When she was not well, for some reason she didn't like to sleep on her own bed. So this was what happend when I was putting her to bed.

Mummy: Ok. Kah Yen. It is time to sleep.
Kah Yen: (Pointing at our bed) 睡妈妈床. (Sleep on Mummy's bed)
Mummy: No, Kah Yen. You cannot sleep on Mummy's bed. You have your own bed. If you sleep on Mummy's bed, where is Mummy going to sleep later?
Kah Yen: (Pointing at the same bed) 睡爸爸床! (Sleep on Daddy's bed!)
Mummy: ...


(2) More please

Last time she only says one word "More, more", now she is giving clear instruction of what she wants. Pretend we do not understand her requests? No way.

After finishing her bread,
Kah Yen: 还要吃面包! (More bread!)
After finishing her biscuit,
Kah Yen: 还要吃饼干! (More biscuit!)
After Daddy making a silly face to make her laugh,
Kah Yen: 还要!还要!(More, more!)
And after repeating the same silly face for 10 times, Daddy clearly regretted what he has started.


(3) In the park

Talking about having an observant eye and getting excited over small things in life, neither of us can beat Kah Yen.

Kah Yen: (Pointing in front) Wow, 鸟鸟! (Wow, Bird Bird!)
Mummy: Oh yes that's a bird.
Kah Yen: (Pointing to the sky) Wow, 太阳! (Wow, The Sun!)
Mummy: Oh yes that's the Sun.
Kah Yen: (Pointing to the sky again) Wow, 白云! 好多白云! (Wow, cloud, so much cloud!)
Mummy: Oh yes that's the cloud.

You can hear the monotone in my voice because this is already like our fourth or fifth time outside the house for today.


(4) Speaking like a real Singaporean

That's what happens when you speak both English and Chinese.

Kah Yen likes to watch the rain, so whenever it rains I will carry her to the front door to show her. That day after a heavy downpour, the rain has finally stopped.

Mummy: Kah Yen, look, the rain has stopped.
Kah Yen: Oh, No more 下雨咯. (No more raining loh)


(5) The difficulty of teaching her ABC

I have never expected how bilingualism will work against me when it comes to teacing her ABC.

Mummy: (Pointing to the Apple on the ABC chart) Kah Yen, what does A stand for?
Kah Yen: Apple.
Mummy: Very good. (Point to the Bird on the chart) How about B?
Kah Yen: 鸟鸟! (Bird Bird)
Mummy: No Kah Yen. B stands for Bird. One more time, what does B stand for?
Kah Yen: 鸟鸟!
Mummy: Ok, never mind. (Point to the Cat on the chart) How about C?
Kah Yen: 猫猫! (Cat Cat)
Mummy: No Kah Yen. C stands for Cat.
Kah Yen: 猫猫!
Mummy: ...


(6) An expert at saying "No"

Of course it is only fair if I also share with you the below conversation, similar conversations happen at least 5 times a day in average.

At the breakfast table, Mummy is trying to get Kah Yen to eat more variety of food.

Mummy: Kah Yen, do you want some pancake?
Kah Yen: 不要! (No)
Mummy: How about some egg?
Kah Yen: 不要! (No)
Mummy: How about some of Mummy's cereal?
Kah Yen: 不要! 不要! 不要! (No, No No!)

Thursday 5 July 2012

Like a tourist

We dread going to city centers like Orchard, Suntec and Marina Square, we are not shopaholic and we don't like places crowded with people. But we love Marina Bay Sands (MBS), we love the plaza, the museum, the Wonder full and the food, the place makes you feel that you are a tourist on a vacation, it sets you on a totally different mood.

We brought Kah Yen back to MBS again last Saturday, the previous two times we brought her to visit the ArtScience Museum and watch the Wonder full show. She loved both. This time Mummy is going for an evening concert with friends at the newly opened Garden by the Bay, so we plan to have dinner at MBS and take a walk in the Garden before Mummy's concert.

We are early so we brought her to the event plaza outside the shopping mall, there are a lot of tourists but it is neither packed nor noisy. No doubt Kah Yen was as excited as a newly arrived tourist.

Kah Yen in front of the lotus flower

Kah Yen was mesmerized by the Singapore skyline

Kah Yen looking at Singapore river and the reflections

The weather was very hot so we decided to go in to the shopping mall while waiting for our friends to come for dinner. We went to the basement food court, yes that's our favorite spot for dinner, the price is affordable as compare to most restaurants and most importantly, you can find a rich variety of Asian delights. It is frequented by a mix of locals and tourists. Husband's favorite is KL Hokkien Mee while mine is the Chinatown beef noodle. I fed Kah Yen her porridge and off she went to check out the skating Rink with Daddy.

I am here Daddy
Skating Rink at MBS basement
After dinner, we walked through the shopping mall to the new MRT station Bay front, from there we can go in to the Garden through the Dragonfly bridge. One look at the Garden and everyone was captivated, it is breathtaking. Too bad we had to rush to the Meadow for our 730pm concert we did not have time to walk around and take photos. I said goodbye to Daddy and Kah Yen and went ahead with friends to our concert. 

I managed to take this photo of Daddy and Kah Yen from the Dragonfly bridge, they were taking a walk in front of the lake.

Dragonfly lake at Garden by the Bay

And this is the tallest Supertree fully lighted up in the night.

Supertree at Garden by the Bay

Garden by the Bay is totally awesome and we will definitely come back again.


19-month and counting

I realized my sharings about Kah Yen was more on the negative side during the past two weeks she was not well. Now she is well again I am finally able to look at the positive side of things. She is back to her usual sweet but also mischievous self again. She is back to sleep on her own and she is no longer waking up multiple times during the night. And she is talking a lot more recently. What a big girl she is now!


Back to the girl with sweet smiles and big laughters. She was playing with the crayons in a cup. It is amazing how joy can be found in the smallest things for children.


 
She continues to love drawing with pencil, marker and crayon. She can hold and control them much better now.  She can draw a line from one end of the paper to the other. Sometimes she will draw some dots and call them "ants" or "flies". Othertimes she will pass the pen to Daddy or Mummy and asks us to draw moon or stars. When we go to any restaurant, we will bring the crayon and notebook and she will be contented to sit down and draw while we enjoy our dinner.




When she was not well, I found it so difficult to get her attention on books. Now her love for reading is back and this is her reading on her own in the morning after drinking her milk. (Daddy is in the shower room and Mummy is busy getting ready to go out)



Wearing Mummy's belt and taking Mummy's comb to comb her own hair - she is not just a copycat, but also the youngest fashion model in town. And when Mummy says 'Wow, Kah Yen looks so pretty on this", she will walk to the mirror and admire herself, do some whirling dance and most importantly, go to the living room to "Show Daddy".



Who are the irresponsible parents which left this little girl in the train? No we didn't. It is her who insists on standing on the train like a big girl. She sometimes wants to walk in and out of the lift herself too. But then the next minute she may ask to be carried and rest her head on my shoulder and her hands around my chest. When she does that, my heart will be soften and an overflowing emotion will gush out, I think I enjoy her cuddle as much as she enjoys mine, maybe even more. Yes I can be so emotional at times. Aren't all mums like that at some point or another? Especially in the growing up years of our children.