Friday 25 January 2013

Going through transitions

Just as Kah Yen settles down in her childcare center and is starting to enjoy school, changes are coming again. We are moving house this weekend. Her routine has always been something I dedicately protected, this time, with our new house being messy for at least a week or so, and with a new room for her to sleep on her own, I have fear that her routine will be totally disturbed.

To make matter worse, she has fallen sick since last weekend and is still not fully recovered yet.

To make matter the worst, I have been sick too.

Going through transitions with young children, is an REAL challenge.


I hope everything will go well.

I will be taking a few days off next week to unpack the things, and hopefully, to bring order back to our lives. Kah Yen will still go to childcare in the morning with Daddy. The distance is further, I hope they will get used to it soon.

Meanwhile, wish everyone a happy preparation for Chinese New Year!

Thursday 24 January 2013

Seriously Sick

Both Kah Yen and myself were sick since last weekend.

For her, it's coughing and heavy phlegm and running nose, she literally coughed till vomitted. For me, my nose was blocked for a good two days, followed by coughing. It may not sound too bad, at least none of us had fever, but, trust me, when you have a sick mother and a sick child together, and there is no other able body around, it is SERIOUS.

On Monday, I struggled to work, while Daddy took leave to be with Kah Yen, she didn't get better.

On Tuesday, I took leave to look after her, only to realize by the end of the day that I got worse and she did not get any better. Can you imagine a sick body carrying a 12kg baby around? Can you imagine a person with no appetite trying to cook something out of nothing and force her equally no appetite child to eat? Can you imagine neither of us slept for more than an hour in the afternoon because we kept being disturbed by each other's coughing?

By the end of the day, I was completely exhausted. The last time I was so sick I think I hugged my pillow and cried to sleep. But this time I can't because if I do we will have two crying babies at home and that will be quite a scene!

On Wednesday, we decided to send her to school while I rested at home. It was a difficult decision to make. I felt guilty to send her to school before she fully recovers, yet I did not have the strength to look after her at home. I desperately needed some rest myself.

I slept and slept for the whole day, I didn't even think at all how she was doing at school.

Nobody has told me before it was so hard when one is sick and still needs to look after someone. I can't help thinking how my own mum did it. I hardly noticed when she was sick, not that she never fell sick, but she never showed it. Even when she was sick, she still brought dinner to the table, she still did all the laundry, she still cleaned the house like she usually does, she still made sure all her children's needs were taken care of. And she lived in an era men only work outside the house.

If she is made of steel, I think I am not even close to bricks.

Thursday 17 January 2013

Potty Potty I'm Ready

One of my many resolutions last year was to potty train Kah Yen the moment she turns two, or at least before I send her to school.

I read a book on potty training and went through a checklist many times, I think she is more than ready. But the book says I need a block of 4-5 days at home to do nothing but potty training her, in order to achieve success, I struggled with taking leave for 4-5 days just for this purpose hence I procrastinated. It also requires a lot of consistency, which is something I am quite bad at.

So Kah Yen went to school with diaper. I was awfully guilty.

......

These are the basic signs of readiness I observed: She has regular bowel movement in the morning and is already trained to poo in the potty; her diaper can be dry for one or two hours at times; she has a strong desire for independence; she is interested when I use the toilet; she understands and follows most instructions; she knows the meaning of "Pee" and "Poo" and say them.

When I was at school with her on the first day, I was really delighted to hear from her English teacher that she can help to potty train Kah Yen. I was told most of the two-year-olds in the class are already potty trained. There is one boy who started training recently and the Chinese teacher brought her to the toilet regularly every 30 minutes. I was very impressed with the patience and dedication of the teacher.

So on the second day of school, I ditched the diaper and put Kah Yen on training pant. Talking about minimizing changes and transitions in young children's life, I think I went totally against the rule!

I don't know exactly how the teachers do it. I think they just try to bring her to the toilet at regular intervals till she grasps the idea that pee is only meant for the potty/toilet. I was expecting them to put her on diaper for afternoon naps so everyday I pack two spare diapers in her bag, but they are never touched. I am sure accidents do happen because twice she came back with a bag heavier than usual, and I found soaked pants in plastic bags. We didn't ask for a detail report everyday but the teacher told us on the first week that Kah Yen can go one to one-and-a-half hour without wetting her pants, which is very good progress according to the teacher.

We do the same at home too. We sit her on potty in the morning when she wakes up, and in the evening before dinner and then before bedtime. Last Saturday we brought her out in the afternoon and I totally forgot to bring her to the toilet till almost two hours later, and I was happy to find out her pant was still dry. Sunday morning I let her wear her training pant to Sunday school, when I picked her up two hours later, she was dry.

......

These are very good progress, but, until now it is still us or the teachers taking the lead, not her. Potty training cannot be accomplished without her taking the lead to tell us when she needs to use the potty. I think we still have a long way to go.

Last Friday, she came back home running to me in the kitchen screaming "I want to pee! I want to pee!" Thinking it's just her way of trying to get my attention after a day's school, I replied to her "Kah Yen, be patient, let Mummy finish cutting this vegetable first." Then she screamed again "I want to pee! I want to pee!" and looked completely restless. Daddy followed in and said she has been asking to pee since they were on the train.

Then it suddenly occured to me that, she was controlling her urine and now telling us she wanted to pee. She is taking the lead.

Bravo! I think we are almost there. Let's see how consistent she will be for the next few weeks, we might use one of those potty train charts or reward charts to reinforce, if necessary.

Tuesday 15 January 2013

I forget you are only two

We came back at 2pm from church, I showered you and gave you your bottle. I put you down for your nap and expected you to fall asleep as soon as possible, only to find you came out of the room 15 mins later telling me "I want to pee". You have just peed before shower and I have put you on diaper for nap. I brought you to the potty and sent you back to bed again, 15 mins later you came out and wanted to pee again. I brought you to the potty again and nothing came out by the way. I then went in to lie down with you to make sure you sleep. For half an hour or so I dozed on and off while humming a lullaby, you were still playing with your soft toy, your pillow, your bolster and even attempted to make a conversation with me. I was furious. I took away all the things on the bed and shouted at you to close your eyes and sleep. I expected you to lie down even though you don't feel like sleeping. I forgot you are only two.

After you woke up from your nap, we lay down on the bed and I was reading you a book -  a poem book. Your little hands just couldn't do nothing for a moment and they kept coming to me to grab the book despite me telling you many times "Let me read to you". I was so frustrated I pushed your hands away, with a strong force. If it is a picture book I will let you read together with me like we always do in the evening, but I told you this is not a picture book. When I said "Let me read to you", I expect you to be still and listen. I forgot you are only two.

I was cooking dinner in the kitchen. I asked you to stay in the living room and play with your toys. You still wandered around in the kitchen and at times even asked me to carry you. How could I carry you when both my hands are busy? And didn't I tell you many times it is dangerous to play in the kitchen when I am cooking? I grabbed your arms and dragged you to the living room and my anger was all shown on my face. I forgot you are only two.

Dinner was served. You finished 80% of your food and then started to play with the remaining. You finished all your food yesterday and the day before yesterday, I expected you to only do better. And didn't I tell you not to play with your food? Do you know how many children in African are suffering from hunger? I snatched the bowl away from you and ignored all your requests thereafter. I forgot you are only two.

It was shower time. I took off all your clothes at the bathroom entrance and instead of coming in, you ran all over the house with your naked body. It was already 8pm and bedtime would be delayed again if we don't hurry, plus nobody runs about naked even in their own house. I forgot they told me two-year-olds do. I forgot you are only two.

......

Yes these are all very important - be attentive, listen and obey instructions, have self-control, know your manners, but I forget that you are only two, you are still work-in-progress. If you have become a master of all these by two I would be out of job now. I forget that good values are not just taught, but also modelled. I forget that you have just started school, you need more love, more attention and move assurance from me. I forget that discipline works hand-in-hand with love. I forget that even though I am 29 I am still work-in-progress, I still have a lot to learn, to be patient, to control my anger, my voice and my tone.

Someone reminds me again tomorrow, that she is only two.



Monday 14 January 2013

Looking forward to 2013

Year 2013 is going to be a year of many changes. Just last week, Kah Yen started to attend a full day childcare; Two weeks down the road we are moving to our new house at Punggol. With the distance going further between work and home for both of us, both our morning and evening routines need to be adjusted; No more take-away dinners since Kah Yen will eat with us. I am starting to cook every night; And we are planning to have a second baby once we settle down in our new house. If the blessing comes to us, I would be a preggy for the bulk of the year and start all over again what I did two years back when a crying baby landed in my arms. And life after that, I have not imagined and could not imagine for now so let’s just leave it to the 2014 resolutions instead.

So here are my 2013 New Year resolutions, just a few.



(1) Learn to cook

Yes, learn to cook, before husband and Kah Yen get sick of chicken soup with noodle, chicken soup with rice, chicken soup with vegetables, and chicken soup with nothing. We have installed a built-in oven in our new kitchen, so hopefully I will learn some new and quick ways of cooking chicken, and add in some other meat to our meals so that we can give the poor chicken a break. I also need to learn to plan our meals in advance and better organize our fridge so that I can prepare and store enough food for the whole week, to make home-made dinner possible after rushing back from work everyday.

(2) More outdoor activities

Since we are moving to the extreme outskirt of the island, the “countryside” as some people would call it, we will make use of the free resource that is around us – the nature, for our family weekend activities. The husband is already looking into buying two bicycles for us with a baby seat, and one toddler bike for Kah Yen, we will be out cycling along the waterway and the beach almost every weekend. We can also explore the wetlands, the fishing ponds and the woods. I think I am the right candidate for the “World’s Miser Mom” title because if you look carefully at those activities, they are mostly free.

Another benefit of going outdoor? - I can tell people without blushing at the end of the year that I did have some exercise.
   
(3) Read classic books

I grew up in a country where study is all about academics, and reading is not part of study unless you read your text books. There are not many books available in my home and school anyway. Hence, the number of classic books I have read over the years can be counted with both hands. I developed the love for reading as an adult and have read a number of books over the years. However, I have come to my bottleneck to find good and interesting books ever since Borders closed down in Singapore and Popular’s best-sellers are filled with “How to be a Billionare” and “How to talk to people and win friends”. I chanced upon The Classic Club sometime last year and have since decided to go back to basics – reading classic books. I have generated a list of 30 over classic books and have already attempted Charles Dickens, Ernest Hemingway and the Bronte sisters. I am loving it. And almost all classic books are available in the library.

The other reason to start reading classic books is to be a good role-model for Kah Yen. How to expect a child growing up love reading when one has never seen her parents read? I am very passionate about reading to children and have been fervently reading picture books to Kah Yen since she was a baby. I am planning to start reading children’s classics like ‘Charlotte’s web”, “Aesop’s fables” and “Alice’s Adventure in Wonderland” etc as soon as she turns three. And we will never stop from there.

(4) Continue blogging

Blogging (or online journaling as I prefer to call it) is one of the best things I have started last year. Through blogging, I developed a love for writing; I met other mom bloggers whose stories are constantly a source of comfort and inspiration to me; And most importantly, through blogging, I learnt to celebrate simple moments of life more, I become a more grateful person. However, at some point in time I struggled with blogging too, I spent much more time on the internet and computer after I started blogging; I was sometimes carried away and started to compare other people’s kids with mine; I was obsessed with the statistics – how many people are reading my blog? how can I increase my readership? … Each time I reminded myself why I started blogging in the first place – to record and to celebrate the growing years of Kah Yen - it helps me to stay focus. So in year 2013, I will continue to write and stay focus.

(5) Pray more

I was struggling whether to keep this point to myself since most people on the internet do not like too religious stuff, but I do not want to appear a different person over here from who I am in the real world. After becoming a parent, I have realized how important a prayerful life is. With most of waking hours spent away from my children, and with the social media world they are going to grow up in, there is really nothing much I can do but keeping them in my prayers. In year 2012 I have come across this phrase and have since used it as a motto ‘You can’t be a perfect parent, but you can always be a praying parent.”

(6) Have a second baby

I am more than ready. The rest is the waiting.

Thursday 10 January 2013

More about school

It is just three days into school and I am happy to announce that Kah Yen is making very good progress.

I still remembered how worried I was on her first full day school when I learnt she did not take her afternoon nap at all. According to the teacher she just lay down on her mattress for two hours without closing her eyes. She did not drink her milk too. Teacher said it is normal since it is new environment, new routine, new bed (if you count the mattress a bed), but I couldn't help being worried.

So when she came back home, I went through her new routine with her again and told her she needs to drink milk and sleep just like all the other children. She said "Okay". I realiz she says "Okay" most of the time when I told her something but is that Okay really an Okay or not I am starting to doubt. Not that I don't trust her, but she is only two-year old, she may not have fully understood all my instructions, and even if she did, she may not be able to remember them when the time comes for her to follow.

Guss what? The next day, which was Tuesday, she drunk her milk and napped for one-and-a-half hour at school! I was way over the moon when I heard the report from the husband. When they came back home, the first question I asked was "Did Kah Yen sleep today?" and while the husband was happily sharing with me, Kah Yen squeezed in between us and looked up to me and very proudly she said "I also drunk milk milk you know?" She knew this was going to be my next question, she knew she'd make me happy because she had followed my instruction and been a good girl. I gave her my biggest hug and the most passionate kiss of all time.

The third day, Wednesday, she did the same. She is almost adjusted to her new routine. This is so much faster than what we and her teachers have expected and all of us are very delighted to see her progress.

Her appetite is increasing too. According to her teacher she finished her lunch everyday, the serving is the same for all the kids, some are even older than her. And when she reached home at 7 o'clock with Daddy, she could wipe away all the food in her bowl within 20 minutes, even before I could finish mine. She seemed so hungry yesterday she practically snatched the bowl away from my hands before I could mix her food ready. She had never eaten so well before and we are just, too pleased. The last two mornings she also woke up half-an-hour earlier than her usual timing and asked for milk immediately. She wasn't a big fan on milk too before that.

I figured one reason could be we had cut down her milk intake from 4 to 3. Other than the morning and evening feed, she used to have two bottles in the day - one mid-morning and one after nap, but now in school they only drink milk once before nap. Another reason could be lunch is too early and afternoon snack is not enough to last her till 7pm. I will observe her for another week before I feedback to her teacher on this. For now, I would like to think it is because she is growing and eating better.

She still goes to bed at 8:30pm in the evening, she still sleeps on her own, she still wakes up a contented baby. Maybe I am biased but she seems even happier than before when she comes back home.

I am really thankful for what's happening. We really did not do much except trusting in her, trusting in her teachers and most importantly, trusting in the Lord and praying.

And we are almost there.

Tuesday 8 January 2013

A new chapter for Kah Yen

Finally I can upload some photos of Kah Yen's first day at school.  These were taken on the first day of orientation when I was there with her.

Looking calm and steady with her uniform and her school bag, only before reaching school though. Cried at the school entrance, refused to come down on her feet in the classroom, but eventually settled down to play.


Instead of sitting still and playing on her own, she enjoyed taking her toys and passing to others around her. She was trying to interact with other children - without a spoken word though, the typical toddler way.


Music and dance time.


Already making friends?


Story time was her favorite. She sat still through all the books.


Despite the initial fear of a new environment, I can tell that she likes the activities and likes to be with so many children.

I hope she will adapt to the school really soon, she will make new friends, she will learn good behaviors and values, she will pick up new things and develop the habit of learning. I hope she will thrive. I believe in her.


First day of school, ALONE

Before I can even finish writing about the second and third day of oriention, the report of Kah Yen's first full day school alone - which was yesterday - came to me, comforting but making me worry too.

Saying goodbye at the entrance is still a challenge. She clung to Daddy and refused to go in. Thankfully the teacher at the front desk was both gentle and firm. She brought her in, guided her to the bathroom to wash her hands, and along the way distracted her with pictures of flowers and fish. Hence there was no meltdown.

She finished 80% of her breakfast. But when it came to lunch, her appetite seemed to have increased after attending school. She finished one bowl of Dory fish porridge, and when teacher asked her if she wanted to have a second bowl, she said yes and went ahead to finish it. The first three days she finished her lunch too, and the third day she was also given a second serving. Never at home did she ever ask for more rice! Mealtime was one of my greatest concerns before I sent her to school, but now I am so happy to see that she not only eats on her own, but is also able to finish her food.

There was no meltdown throughout the day. She did not cry much except after shower, the hair dryer triggered it. She had never used a hair dryer before and she was terrified by the noise and the heat. I totally did not expect they will use hair dryer on the children, if I do, I would have reminded the teacher that she is scared of loud noises. At home she wouldn't go near the washing machine or vacuum machine when they are on. She cried for very long but eventually was calmed down and went on with other activities.

What I did not expect is, she did not take her nap. When I called the school at 2pm in the afternoon, I was told by the teacher she did not want to sleep. She did not cry or make any noise though, she just lay down on her mattress the whole time. She had never skipped a single day of afternoon nap before, I really worried if she had the energy to go through the entire afternoon without her nap, but she did. When she came back home with Daddy in the evening, I asked her "Did you sleep at school today?". She said "No". I think other than the new environment, another reason could be she thought we are going to pick her after lunch and bring her back to sleep. That's what I did for the first three days since it was half day. Though we had told her on Monday she will stay there for a whole day and Daddy will only come to pick her up after work, I think she was still not able to fully understand the concept of time yet. I repeated to her again the schedule and told her she needs to sleep together with the other kids, to which she replied "Okay". Hopefully it won't take too long before she gets used to sleep at school.

Sleeping is the only major issue for now. The teacher commented Kah Yen is independent and well-behaved. She is also impressed that Kah Yen can understand and follow instructions both in English and Chinese. She told me she is confident that Kah Yen will adapt to the new environment very soon.

I am grateful for the teacher's comments and for her confidence in Kah Yen. I too believe that she will adapt in no time and she will thrive at this school. These few days I have learnt that there are actually so many details to take note in order to help young kid to adapt to a new environment and a new schedule, we have never known all these. I hope she will be patient with us and her teachers along this journey.

Monday 7 January 2013

The first day of school

Year 2013 is going to be a year of changes for our family and for Kah Yen. To start with, she has just started school last week for three half days.

It was the first three days of orientation. I took leave to be with her. So how did I feel after three days? - Well, better than what I expected. Though saying Goodbye in the morning may still be a challenge for a period of time, I believe with the good routine in place and the caring of the teachers, she will be able to settle down soon.

The first day, we gave her breakfast at home. She cried at the entrance when the teacher asked her to sit down and take off her shoes for hand, foot and mouth disease check, I managed to calm her down. After saying byebye to Daddy, I carried her to her classroom. I too was a bit anxious for I did not know what to expect. When we went in, most kids had finished their breakfast and were sitting on the floor. Kah Yen refused to get down on her feet till I promised to sit down with her on the floor. To help ease her tension, I interacted with the other kids and guided her to interact with them. We shoke hands to make friends, we gave each other hi-five, and we even played row-row-row-a-boat with them. Soon all the other kids came to join us and it helped, Kah Yen started to run around with the rest of kids, to my great relief. I just sat on the floor and observed her.

There are only three new kids in Kah Yen's class (N1) this year, including herself. The rest of the kids were promoted from last year's playgroup. This is a good thing. It is less chaotic as I expected. No crying, no meltdown. The other two parents were just like me, trying their best to help their kids get used to the new environment.

Kah Yen finished lunch on her own, sat still at story time, went to the toilet with teacher and washed her own hands after that, interacted with the other children and danced, with me around most of the time of course.

We left after lunch and storytime since it was a half day orientation. I asked her if she liked school she said "Yes". I can't take the "Yes" 100% though, for it will be very different when she starts to attend full day and when we are not there with her. I just hope that she will get used to the new routine as soon as possible and starts to enjoy her school.

Thursday 3 January 2013

Preparation for school - Part Two

So while everyone was counting down for the new year and celebrating with family and friends, I was busy preparing Kah Yen to go to school. Or rather, busy getting excited, then anxious, then worried, then all over the cycle again. It's a big milestone isn't it? And having heard so many stories of kids crying for two months before settling down, kids refusing to sleep on their own again after attending school, kids falling sick and having nightmares, to say that I am not worried is totally a lie.

I have read on the internet a list of things to do to prepare kids to go to school, by school I mean childcare/preschool/kindergarten. Here are some of the things I am going through with Kah Yen:

1. Bring her to look at the school before starting school

I brought her to the school two weeks back. She seemed to like the place and was excited about going to school. I was lucky because the concept of school is not something new to her. At our nanny's place, the two Korkors go to school from her place in the morning and came back after half a day, so every morning together with our Nanny Kah Yen will send them to their school bus and pick them back in the afternoon. When I told her she is going to school just like Korkor, she was thrilled.

The only regret is I did not let her interact with her class teachers, because they were busy preparing the year end concert with the kids. I should have let her say "Hi" to them and see if she likes them. However, she did interact with the administrative staff at the front counter and I will say she is a very gentle and loving lady. Kah Yen likes her.

2. Let her know what she will be doing at the school

The easiest way to do this is repeat and repeat. I kept telling her what she would be doing in school in simple terms she can understand. She soon can memorize them all. This was her answer when I asked her what she would be doing at school: "Read books, write, eat, sing and dance!" Hmm. she only remembered the fun things ah. I carefully reminded her she would take shower and afternoon nap at school too, she seemed a bit scared. Hopefully after seeing what the other children are doing for the first three days, she will feel comfortable about the shower and nap part.

Another better way to show young kids what they will be doing at school is to read picture books about school to them, there are many pictures books available. I took a mental note but then with all the activities of the festive season, I didn't even have the time to get the books from the library. So I had to tell her using my own words.

3. Show her the uniform she will be wearing

I am thankful Kah Yen's school uniform is so bright and striking. I can tell she liked it instantly. She commented excitingly "So pretty!" and then refused to allow me to take it off. I knew then I should take advantage of the uniform and get her excited about going to school. This is our repeated conversation for the next few days:

"Kah Yen, do you like your school uniform?

"Yes!"

"Do you want to wear it to go to school?

"Yes!"

Great! I think I am almost there.

Kah Yen wearing her uniform for the first time

4. Ask if there are things she wants to bring with her

I made a mistake at first. I told her she can bring her Baby Pooh to school. I thought it is good to bring since Baby Pooh is her "security blanket" and she can fall asleep better with Baby Pooh. But the school advised us not to bring any toys or beloved items, because other kids may snatch from her and it would cause conflict, also the items might get damaged or lost. Another important reason is also to train the children to be more independent. I totally agree. Hence I explained to her using terms she can understand and promised her that Baby Pooh will always wait at home for her to come back. When I asked her "Is that alright?" She said "Yes". She is really a big girl now. I still remember the times when she'd cry every time we forget to bring Baby Pooh with us when going out.

So instead of asking her what she wants to bring, I showed her the things she can bring. I  put name stickers on her water bottle, her milk bottle and her milk container. I also sewed name tags on her uniform and her towel. When I showed her the name tags, she felt might happy these things belong to her.

... ...

There are other things such as telling her which day and what time we will bring her to school, what time we will pick her back, and who will be coming to fetch her etc, we are slowly telling her. I am with her for the first three days of orientation, after which Daddy will be the one to send her and pick her up. Hence I guess it will take her a few days to get used to the routine.

Let's hope all will work out well.