Thursday 31 May 2012

Sunglasses effect

Like most other babies, Kah Yen is always interested in Mummy's glasses and takes every opportunity to touch it, push it or grab it when it is within reach.

Partly Mummy is to be blamed. When she was a younger baby I used to push my glasses up and down my nose to play "Pee-A-Boo" with her. It is a silly game I know but we both had a lot of fun playing it. And when she was about one year old, I taught her the names of different part of the face. I asked her to point to the part on my face when I named it, she was very good at it. As for eyes, she would insist on pushing up my glasses so that she can touch Mummy's eyes.

However, having her constantly interested in my glasses is not always "So Cute". And although so far accident has not happened yet, I figure it is wise to divert her attention away from my glasses once and for all. Just the other day I saw my sunglasses in the drawer filled with other unwanted or not-so-often touched things, so why not let her have it for herself to satisfy her curiosity, and hopefully, she will find my glasses plainly boring forever after.

I was right. Check out the photos for the sunglasses effect yourself.

Sunglasses effect

Tuesday 29 May 2012

Look, that's the moon

Children have an eye for details. At least it looks like so for Kah Yen. She can see things that I totally do not expect her to notice and point out them to me.


She learnt what is "Ma Yi" (Chinese for ants) during our walk to the park recently. She calls them "Mamal" though. Since then she is so fascinated by ants, and it just happened  these few days our house is attacked by ants. Kah Yen is always the first one to spot them, she will shout loudly "Mamal Mamal" and Daddy and Mummy will come to her rescue. Sometimes we have to ask "Where Where is Mamal?" because we can't see, but she can point to us exactly where the ant is.


We have the routine of carrying her to say goodnight to everything inside the house. I usually start from the front door, after saying goodnight to the houses and trees and plants outside, we will say goodnight to the lock, the iron gate and then the wooden door. Kah Yen will also stop at the door plate and points at every number of the door plate and asks me to read them one by one to her, including the dash in between. What a good opportunity to teach her numbers! So I will always happily read to her a few times. Too bad our unit number is not 012-3456789, imagining I can teach her 0 to 9 without flash cards then.


When we are reading picture books together, Kah Yen will point to almost anything she can see from the page - every bubble in the bathtub, every cloud in the sky, and tails of all the animals. One day we were reading the neighborhood mother goose and I asked Kah Yen what she saw in the picture, I was expecting her to point at the flowers, instead she pointed at the page number 9. After I told her that's number 9, she flipped other pages and let me read all the page numbers to her. So mother goose became a counting book for that night.

Can you see page number 9?

This is the ABC poster we bought and pasted on the wall. The first time I carried Kah Yen near it, I was expecting her to point at the pictures, or maybe the words, or if she is really observant, the letters. To my surprise, her eyes are on those colorful pins that pin each picture card on the board. Did you notice the pins? Maybe not if I did not point out right?  She pointed to them one after another and I had to read "Red Pin", "Green Pin", "Yellow Pin" and on and on. I am afraid at the end of the day the only word she learnt from this poster is "Pin".

Do you see the colorful pins?

Ok. The most classic one has to be this. Look at this Chinese words poster. Can you see the moon? Last night while drinking milk Kah Yen suddenly pointed at this poster and said "Yue liang" (Chinese for moon). I looked up and down I could not find the moon or anything close to a moon. After she finished her milk I carried her up to show me where is the moon. And guess what she pointed at? Can you see the two parentheses that contain the Chinese word "Four" in the header? She was pointing at the two parentheses! She thought these are two crescent new moons. 

Where is the moon?

The eyes of a child are truly amazing.



Monday 28 May 2012

Parenting an 18-month and beyond

Parenting Kah Yen in the past has been relatively easy. Things to take note are just a few:

(1)   Breastfeeding / Milk

Breastfeeding can be the most natural but also the most challenging thing for a new mum and pumping milk is anything but fun, but I have managed to press on for 14 month and successfully switched her to formula afterwards, not without her going on milk strike for nearly a week though.

(2)   Solid Food

I hardly even cooked before the baby arrives, which is equivalent to say ‘I don’t know how to cook”. And she eats like a little hamster, not just a little hamster but a royal queen hamster that insists on deciding exactly what goes into her mouth for each meal. Nevertheless, for a year or so I managed to stuff enough things in the queen’s stomach at the end of each meal. And I am lucky to have a nanny who cooks porridge very well so solid food issue is considered passed. 

(3)   Physical milestones

Come to think about it, I did not do anything. She worked hard and achieved all the physical milestones herself. I am perfectly fine to just let her develop at her own pace. The only thing that worried me a little is she learnt to walk only at 15-month.  

(4)   Toys

Much of her playtime is spent on free time; she is not old enough for structured play or learning yet. Hence all we did is buying some age appropriate toys and let her choose what she wants to play.

(5)   Language development

The only thing I need to do is make sure I always talk to her, sing to her and read books to her when I am with her.

That’s it. Fairly easy right?


Mummy says I am an easy baby!
  
But now she is official 18-month old; she is walking, talking, learning and showing personality and temperament of her own. Parenting is beyond just milk, food, toys, and talking and singing now. There are so many more areas I need to learn:

(1)   Weaning off the bottle

Yes she is still drinking milk from a bottle. I know the book says that it is best to transit from bottle to straw cup after baby turns one. She can use a straw cup perfectly for drinking water, but I have not let her try to drink milk from it.

She is not a very aggressive milk drinker; she usually doesn’t finish her 150ml bottle. We are constantly on a mission to let her drink more milk especially since she is relatively small in size. We worry that any change to the current arrangement will trigger milk strike and cut down her intake drastically. Nevertheless, we have to start soon. We have heard the potential impact of drinking from a bottle for too long to language development and teeth growth.

(2)   Self-feeding

She is quite a fussy eater.  Till now I still have to make sure her food is very smooth in texture otherwise she won’t eat very well. And I have mentioned she is small in size. So you can guess how much effort we are putting in to make sure she finishes her meal. The focus right now is really to make sure she eats enough than to let her learn to be independent and feed herself. I am not ready to see half the food goes to the floor in front of me.

But, I need to train her to self-feed before two, so that she will not go hungry at Childcare. And yes the independence part, which is also very important to me. To add to the challenge, I am a working mum; I only spend 2 days per week with her, and at least half of it we may be outside. The time left to train her is very little.

(3)   Potty training

Another mission to accomplish before she turns two. Some may have potty-trained their kids at as early as one, but honestly, potty training was pretty much at the back of my mind till recently. Getting her to drink and eat well was my priority. And I have no ambition to go against the norm. I think, I have not read anything on potty training but I think, 18-month to 2-year is a good period to let her say goodbye to diapers.

As I said, I have not read ANYTHING on potty training yet.  So I have just ordered the book Potty Training 1-2-3 by Gary & Anne Ezzo, since it says that “The good news is that potty training doesn’t have to be complicated—and neither does a book that explains it.”

(4)   Language development

Things have been pretty easy in the past, as I have shared, all I need to do is make sure I always talk to her, sing to her and read books to her. It doesn’t really concern me much when she utters her first word or what is her vocabulary count at 15 or 16-month. I choose to let her go at her own pace.

Now that she is 18-month old, she is talking more and learning fast, are the above still sufficient? I recently chanced upon this Singapore SAHM’s blog “Once in a life time”, I am amazed that she already started home-schooling her daughter at 18-month old and also started to send her to enrichment classes (with her company)! I know very well I can’t do what she has done because firstly I am a full time working mum, secondly I don’t think I have enough patience to research and prepare all the home-schooling materials.

BUT, I can’t help thinking whether 18-month is a good time to start to teach my daughter ABC and words. Before I find the perfect answer to this question I am just going to continue to do what I am doing – Reading more books to her.

(5)   Structured play and learning

No more running around the house and switching toys every two minutes.  I want to focus more on structured play and to help train her attention span. This is one of areas that I feel I have compromised the most because I am a working mum. Since we sent her to Nanny during the day, her day is filled with random free play only.

To prepare her for childcare, where she doesn’t get to choose what she wants to do, and when she can do it, it is time for me to train her to follow instructions (What Mummy tells her to play) and focus on what she is doing for a prolonged time. Gosh, how to do this when I have only Sat and Sun afternoon with her? Thank God now she goes to Sunday school on Sun morning and it is an excellent platform to train her.

(6)   Obedience and self-control

Before the “Terrible two” phase starts to turn the house upside down and drive Daddy/Mummy up to the wall, we’d have to focus more on training her obedience and self-control. I am hearing myself saying more “Kah Yen, Mummy said it is time to go to bed!” “Kah Yen, No, don’t touch that!” “Kah Yen, you have to finish your food!” & “Kah Yen, go and play with your toys, don’t come to the kitchen!”… She may not have the reasoning capability to understand why certain behaviors are not allowed yet, but I need to train her to follow instructions and behave according to what is being told. I believe obedience and self-control can be trained from such a small age. I am glad that I have already gotten a copy of "Preparation for parenting - The toddlerhood transition" book, and almost the entire books talks about obedience and discipline. It is definitely not as easy as the book says, but I will work on it.

(7)   Childcare

Childcare, Childcare, when and where? Talking about childcare I am not a very good mum  – because I have not done anything yet. I know other parents who start to register their babies’ names long before they turned one. I guess we are too comfortable with our current Nanny arrangement. I am in no hurry to send her to Childcare but again I think 2-year old is a good age. Hence, I need to research on the Childcare centers near our place soon. And what are my criteria in selecting a good Childcare? What’s the best for her? … Just asking these few questions is already causing me a mild headache!

If you are reading this post you are probably already having a headache like me by now. Parenting an 18-month and beyond toddler is like a giant leap from parenting a baby right? Yes I am stressed by the challenges ahead but I am also thrilled at the opportunities that I can see her learn and grow.


PS: I have long wanted to share about the Preparation for Parenting books but I have not found the time. Meanwhile, if you are interested in the books or any other resources from Growing Family International, you can order from the GFI Singapore homepage here.

Thursday 24 May 2012

Amen and God loves you...

"Amen"

We have always included Kah Yen in our dinner even though she already had hers at Nanny's place. We will sit her around our dining table and start the dinner with a prayer. Ever since she started to utter her first sound at 5 or 6-month old, I always tell her to say Amen after our prayer, even though I know she can't. After she turned one, sometimes she would say it when I asked, but many times she was just playing with the toys on her highchair.

Not until recently she started to say "Amen' automatically. When I said "In Jesus's name we pray", she would say "Amen" followed by a cheeky grin, the "Did I just say that? I know it is too cute but I can't help it" kind of smile.

The cutest part is sometimes when I start saying "Ok, come Kah Yen, let's pray together." she will straightaway say "Amen"!. Husband and I can't help laughing and we thought maybe this is what is being said about childlike faith - claiming it before you even start prayer. :-)

"God loves you, Jesus loves you, and ..."

As a Christian family we also make sure we pray for her each night before she sleeps. It usually happens after I put her on her baby cot. And I end my prayer in the same way everyday, which is "God loves you, Jesus loves you, Daddy loves you, Mummy loves you...." followed by all other important people in her life. I think she knows what it means because everytime when I am saying this, she becomes extermely quiet as if she is receiving it in her heart.

Interestingly this is how our prayer ends recently.

Me: God loves you. Jesus loves you. and... (Before I can say any further, I am interruppted)

KahYen: Baba!

Me: Yes, Baba loves you too.

KahYen: Mama!

Me: Yes, Mama loves you too.

KahYen: Popo! (Her Nanny)

Me: Yes, Popo loves you too.

KahYen: Gorgor!

Me: Yes, GorGor loves you too.

KahYen: Jiejie

Me: Yes, Jiejie loves you too.

KahYen: Ah Ma! (Grandma)

Me: Yes, Ah Ma loves you too.

KahYen: Ah Gong! (Grandpa)

Me: Yes, Ah Gong loves you too.

KahYen: Ah Chou! (Great grandma)

Me: Yes, Ah Chou loves you too.

Note that Ah Ma, Ah Gong, Ah Chou live in Malaysia and KahYen only went there twice since she was born. The last time was when she was 16-month old. But she remembers all of them.

And of course her favorate is Daddy and usually this is how it ends.

KahYen: Baba Baba!!

And she will suddenly climb up her bed and look at the direction of the door, as if saying "Where is Baba? I am going to sleep and where is my Baba? How can he forget me?"

This is what I will say.

Me: Yes, KahYen, Baba loves you, and he already kissed you good night just now in the living room, remember?

And she would give me the expression "Oh Yes, I forget about it" and then lie down on her own and hug her Baby Pooh and turn her back to me.


Monday 21 May 2012

Kah Yen goes to Sunday school

Kah Yen is officially 18-month old and we have signed her up for Sunday school. Finally! This has to be one of the biggest milestones in her life, at least for now.


Of course again Mummy is the one who is way more excited than Kah Yen. Mummy has never been to a Sunday school before. So it is first time for both Mummy and Kah Yen.


Knowing that the new environment will be too overwhelming for Kah Yen, we arrived early to give her plenty time to warm up. After signing in, we were directed to a room specially for 18-month to 3-year old - David's club. The teachers/volunteers were already there, toys were grouped and arranged at different corners of the room for early comers to play. Daddy was carrying Kah Yen, and as we have expected, she clung to him tightly and looked cautiously at the place and the people she had never met.


We managed to sit her down in front of the toys later. She was still very nervous and refused to play. I thought maybe it would be better to bring her walk around the room, but she just stood on the same spot without moving her legs. Such is our little girl! She usually needs more time to warm up in a new place, she is also more cautious of strangers than some other children. After all she is only 18-month old and this is her first time in a classroom. We knew we should not force her, instead we decided we would respect the fear she has and lovingly guide her through with patience and support.


Husband managed to take a photo at the start of the program.

Teacher showing kids how to sit properly


The one-hour program started 10 minutes later and it was filled with activities. And I am so amazed to see how Kah Yen started to participate from the initial withdrawal and how much she had progressed!


(1) Singing and Dancing


The first activity in a Sunday school started of course with children praising and worshipping the Lord. The music was playing and the kids were told to follow the teacher to dance and do hand gestures. This was a bit difficult for most kids, only some older kids were following and the rest were guided by their parents. I did not expect Kah Yen to follow immediately. In fact she was still holding my hand tightly, and each time I tried to let go of her hand, she would grab my leg and asked to be carried. But a while later I managed to "skip" and she did not ask to be carried anymore. And when each of the kids was given a head scarf to wave and dance, she was following! She was waving and turning her body. She was dancing! 


I was also very glad to see that Kah Yen knows how to listen to instruction and obey, to someone who is neither her Daddy nor her Mummy. When the dance was over and the teacher asked them to return the scarf, she was a bit reluctant at first but when the teacher gentlely repeated again, she went ahead to put the scarf into the basket. Good girl!


(2) Offering time


I absolutely loved the way they taught kids about offering. The teacher gave each of them two pieces of biscuit, one on each hand, and the kids were supposed to hold the biscuits in their palms without putting into their mouth. Later the teacher would tell them that one is for Jesus, one is for themselves, so they have to offer one to Jesus by putting it back to the basket. Some older kids had done this before so they knew what to do, but Kah Yen had no idea. When she received the two biscuits, she immediately brought one of it to her mouth. I held her hand and told her to wait. Being a 18-month old, she naturally brought it to her mouth again and I stopped her a few more times. When the basket arrived in front of her, I asked her to put one biscuit inside and she did! Good job!


(3) Story telling and individual activity


I was very happy to see that Kah Yen can sit through the whole story time. This is one of her strengths. At home I would read to her story books every night and she can sit still and let me finish the book. She used to insist on flipping the books back and forth herself and would crawl away if she was not interested, but as she grew older, she became much more attentive. Even some older kids were running around during the story time but Kah Yen didn't. 


After the story, each kid was given the activity sheet, it is a family tree of Joseph, there is a sticker for every family member of Joseph and the kids were to stick them in the boxes. This is more to train their fine motor skills than to learn the names of Joseph's brothers, so the parents were told to guide the kids to the right box and let them put the sticker. Kah Yen was much more relaxed by now and I was even able to get away from her to take my phone, and I managed to get a few photos of her.

Kah Yen engrossed in her work
Kah Yen finished her work with Mummy's help
(Opps, where did Issachar go?)
Kah Yen disturbing LeLe Jiejie's work

(4) Free play time


The program ended after the story and individual activity. It was free play time before dismissal. Kah Yen joined the other kids crawling through the tunnel. Again even through this game, I could observe how she learnt to follow and obey rules. She was asked to stand in the queue and wait for other kids to go through first, she did. And when she went through, she turned back and wanted to crawl right in again, but she was told by the teacher that she had to go back to the other end to wait for her turn again, and off she went. All these happened while I was standing by the side trying to snap some photos!


It is play time finally!

And that's it! She made it through her first Sunday school. It does not matter how much she actually participated and how much she learnt, no whining and no meltdown for a first school experience at 18-month old already deserve a big hug from Daddy and Mummy! She had never attended a play date or a structured play group before. She never was told to surrender a toy in the middle of playing. And she never had to give away food which is already in her hand and halfway to her mouth. But she did them all today.


Daddy and Mummy are so proud of her!


Thursday 17 May 2012

Just because Mummy is not artistic

Does not mean that we can’t do some art activities together. After we bought crayon and color pencils for Kah Yen, she fell in love with scribbling on papers. During weekdays we usually let her sit on her highchair and draw while we have our dinner. (She takes her dinner at Nanny’s place)

Our dinner is just a short 20 minutes. We hardly have anytime to draw together with her, but occasionally we will. And one of her favorite things is tracing hands – she put her hand on the table and we will trace it with a color pencil. We of course start by showing her how to trace our own hands.


Kah Yen and Daddy's hands

Hand and other stuff

Daddy is the one drawing with her most of the time, because Mummy doesn’t know how to draw. Ok. Did you see the sun, or the moon, or the stars in the picture? If you saw them, great! Because they are drawn by Mummy and if you can see them, it says that at least they are recognizable.

Yes, that’s how bad I am in drawing, or anything artistic. I am totally not an artistic person. And that explains why I still don’t have a header picture for my blog! I have never attended a single art class in my whole life. I have never made a birthday card or a scrapbook before, not even a slightly personalized photo album. Going to art museum is hardly my favorite activity because other than saying “WOW, that’s great stuff!” I honestly do not know what else to do. It is not easy, nor it is fun to stare at a picture and pretend you know how to appreciate it, esp. if it is categorized under contemporary art.

But I always get bowled over by people who are artistic, they are not artists but they can draw, or paint or make beautiful stuff. Deep in my heart I always hope I can be like one of them. I think it is one of those childhood dreams that will come back and linger in my heart once in a while. Now as a parent, I am always impressed by mothers who can do art activities with their young kids at home. I don’t think I am less good a mother just because I can’t, but I do think it makes them look like super mums.

Ok. Just because I am not artistic, does not mean that we can’t do some art activities together. It is still a good time for us to bond and have fun, except that at the end of it I may not have a piece to show here or to hang on the living room wall. But who cares? That's not the most important thing right?

And you guessed right. I am going to send Kah Yen to art class once she is big enough. No, it is not so that she can help me fulfill my childhood dream.

And don’t be surprised if you ever find Mummy in the classroom next door! Who said Mummy is too old to learn something new?

Tuesday 15 May 2012

A Mother's Day gift from the bottom of my baby's heart (foot)?

Just yesterday I was saying that we did not have any Mother's Day celebration except I received two lovely books from my husband.

This morning I opened my bag and I saw this card.

Ok. Technically it is still chosen, bought and written by my husband. BUT, check out the blue watermark print, can you guess what is it? Yes it is the footprint of my 17-month old daughter. And the card is signed off as "From your husband, and your sweet Kah Yen (see footprint)".

I don't suppose my 17-month old daughter went to my husband and said "Daddy, let's make a card for Mummy for Mother's day, I don't know how to write yet so you will write and I will do some prints on it." You won't believe it. I won't believe either.

It's my husband's idea. And he said the original plan is to print Kah Yen's hands but she loves cleanliness and refuses to "dirty" her hands. :-)

I love the footprint. It just reminds me how from a baby Kah Yen started to toddle in the last two months and how fast she is emerging as a little walking, talking and exploratory person with a mind and personality of her own. She is growing up so fast and I treasure every moment I can walk alongside with her and see her grow.

And making a 17-month old contribute to a Mother's day card, what a creative and sweet idea he has. A big thank you to my husband for the special card and the words of appreciation written by him.


A special mother's day card

From my husband and my daughter (see footprint)


Monday 14 May 2012

Mother's Day 2012

I did not plan to celebrate Mother's day, I told the husband the same thing too. I grew up in China, it is not really in our culture to celebrate Mother's day or Valentine's day, these are western holidays. And further more I believe Mother's day is more for children to show appreciation to their mothers, not for husband to celebrate with wife. The latter can be done in many other occasions such as my birthday and our anniversary. Kah Yen is still too young to understand what Mother's day is, so I guess we will just let this day pass quietly like a normal day.

That being said, I am still very happy when I received these two books from my husband. No flowers, no facial or spa package, no expensive meals or any other elaborate gifts. My husband knows I won't be too excited about all these because I am not a gift person. BUT, I am always excited about new books.

And what gifts can be better for Mother's day than two books that will help me to be a better person and a better mother?


Daily Spiritual Refreshment Bibile for Women
 (New Life Bible)

The Lion Book of 1000 Prayers for Children


Thursday 10 May 2012

Kah Yen's CNY China trip in pictures

I have not written anything about our CNY China trip yet. I was flipping through the photos yesterday, and instead of writing about the journey hassle, the challenges of adjusting to cold weather, the milk-pumping and the falling-sick episode, I am just going to share about some of the memorable moments for Kah Yen in pictures.

This is Kah Yen sleeping peacefully in a baby basket on a SQ slight to Bei Jing. We took the 9am morning flight, reached Bei Jing at 3pm. Kah Yen had her breakfast in the airport, morning nap and lunch on the plane.


We didn't have any time to take photos at Bei Jing international airport. The transfer from the international terminal to domestic is so troublesome we ended up missing our transit flight. After paying for 2 more full fare tickets and waited for 3 hours, we finally boarded the plane to Wu Han and reached our hotel at an unearthly hour - 11pm. Everybody was exhausted, and Kah Yen already started to have running nose because of the cold weather and lack of good nap.

We rested in the hotel till noon the next day. This is Kah Yen finally came down to the hotel lobby, fully geared up in winter clothes and ready to set off for the remaining journey. Poor baby looked so tired.



This is Kah Yen at MacDonald waiting for our 3pm inter-city bus. All the earlier bus tickets were sold out, we had to wait for 3 hours. Thankfully the heater and the french fries made her much better.


We finally reached home at 8pm. It was so good to be home. Our family and relatives warmly welcomed us back. Home cooked food was waiting for us, and Grandma had cooked porridge for Kah Yen too.

This is Kah Yen sleeping like an angel at home, after 2 long days on the road. Thank God for keeping her safe and sound.


This is Kah Yen back to her cheerful and playful self after warming up with the place and the people. She loved her walker, we don't use one in Singapore, but it proved handy and useful in winter China because it prevented her from crawling on the cold floor.


This is her cousin "RuYi KorKor", who doted her a lot. He loved playing together with her in the front yard.


And teaching her how to ride a baby bike.


And taking photos with her. The boy on the left is Kah Yen's small uncle. He is only 6 years old but yes he is Kah Yen's uncle. A smart boy who likes to eat and talk.


And this is Kah Yen's cousin "Xuanxuan JieJie", who is only 5 months older than her.


And who is never shy in front of the camera.


Who liked to play with Kah Yen too.



And one day both went to the town for shopping together, or rather for a helicopter ride, while the adults were busy checking out roadside BBQ.



The days went much slower in a winter country side but still two weeks had come to an end. In between Kah Yen had fever and diarrhea for a few days. She lost almost 2kg of weight, as a result, she had sharper chin and double-lid eyes. 


Thank God the return trip was much easier because my brother drove us all the way to the airport, we also had enough transit time to catch our connecting flight. We took a midnight flight back to Singapore, both us and Kah Yen did not rest very well but thankfully, we were back safely and she recovered in 3 days.



This is KorKor, That is JieJie

Do you still remember when you started to recognize the gender of a person? This is a man, and that's a woman, or this is a boy, and that's a girl. I can't remember but I think it is certainly before turning 2. For recently my baby girl suddenly became an expert on it.

Just two months back, she would still point at girls and call "KorKor" or vise versa. Or even worse she would point at an adult man and call "KorKor" too. Once we were inside a lift, one teenage girl with a pony tail came in with her parents, Kah Yen pointed at her, and shouted loud and clear "KorKor"! The teenage girl was shy and blushing, at a senstive age like this she must felt very embarrased to be called a "KorKor", what's more the parents also teased her 'Wow, she called you KorKor.". I was so embarrased I had to lie to them that my baby only knows how to call KorKor and doesn't know how to call JieJie yet. Geez, I lied in front of my daughter out of emergency!

After this incident I tried my best to explain to Kah Yen that if she sees a kid with long hair and bright color clothes or skirts, that's a JieJie; and short hair with dark color clothes or short pants is normally a KorKor (I hope 90% of the time this is true), and she should only call small kid "KorKor", big ones are called "Uncle".

I did not expect her to understand my explanation, afterall she was just 16-month old. However, as time goes by I noticed she starts to recognize gender difference with expertise. She would point at boys and call "KorKor", and point at girls and call "JieJie" at the playground, in shopping centers and on the road. She does the same when we are reading books. The classic example has to be Dr Sesus's books. If you have read Dr Sesus's books before, you know his style - Boy does not look like boy, girl does not look like girl, human does not look like human, they just look like some...... well...... creatures! Or in his own word, they are called "Thing One" and "Thing Two". However, Kah Yen can recognize boys and girls without fail.

Now she is right 90% of the time. In fact just the other day when we were at the lawn at Istana, there is a kid running in front of us wearing big shirt, short pant and a black color cap, holding a football in one hand. Kah Yen called "JieJie". I took a quick glance and corrected immediately "That's a KorKor". Husband said 'No, she is a girl". I looked carefully and realized her shoulder length hair under the cap, Yes she was correct that's a "JieJie'. Mummy was wrong this time.

Tuesday 8 May 2012

Stranger Anxiety, the Meltdown

I have noticed my baby girl Kah Yen experiences center degree of stranger anxiety from about 6--month old. She will give a cautious look when a stranger or not-so-familiar friend tries to talk to her or offer to carry her. Sometimes she cries when people talk too loud in front of her. Not all the time though. She is more able to accept when people approach her with a very friendly tone and a smile (No baby rejects smiles). And also she is not afraid at kids birthday parties and playgrounds, when there are a lot toys and kids around, we can just leave her to play on her own.

So I never thought it is a big deal. And I actually think she has already outgrown this phase now that she is turning 18-month old. But last Sunday, I just witnessed one meltdown in front of a stranger.

We were at a food court for lunch. There is a big crowd so we shared a round table with 2 women, sitting right opposite us. While I was taking out her homemade lunch from the bag, she was playing with a bag of wet wipes I took out to wipe the table. Then something unexpected happened, she was trying to throw the bag of wet wipes on the table, but she used too much strength and the bag landed on one of the women's plate! The woman has already finished eating, she was talking to her friend. She was of course not offended at all by this because afterall Kah Yen is just a little baby with such an innocent look. She quickly picked up the bag and passed over to me. And kindly let me know that her plate is a bit wet so the bag might be dirty - I appreciated it and and took the bag away. I can tell you for sure that the woman was smiling throughout all these! And I did not sense anything wrong at all, I poured out Kah Yen's porridge into the bowl, and turned around to feed her. That's when I realized something was wrong! Kah Yen was still looking at the woman with a very scared face, her eyes are already red and her lips are curving down, AND, she started to cry inconsolably!

The cry is not a "I Want to be Carried" kind of whiny cry, neither it is the "I Just Fell Down My Hand Hurts" kind of screaming cry, it is a cry of fear, I can sense she was saying "You Are Scolding Me. I Did Something Wrong and You Are Scolding Me. I Am Scared of you", it is full of emotions and inconsolable.

I quickly carry her up. She immediately clung to my shoulders and buried her face on my chest. I brought her away for a few minutes, she was still sobbing. And everytime I tried to bring her back to the table so that we can have lunch, she clung to me frantically and cried. I had to wait till the 2 women left the table to bring her back, and she finally allowed me to sit her on the high chair again. So it is pretty obvious that she is afraid of the woman.

What an episode! I was a little bit disturbed by it frankly. On one hand, I looked at my baby, she is so tiny and vulnerable I am grateful I can provide a safe haven for her. On the other hand, I am worried that she will never outgrow her timidity into an indepedent, strong and brave lady.

Instead of worrying, I will just commit her into prayers. And continue to be calm and confident and reassuring in her journey of growth until she is ready to flip her own wings to reach to the sky.



I belive you can fly


Sunday 6 May 2012

Water Fear

On Saturday we brought Kah Yen to Tampines 1 rooftop wet playground. I heard about this new place from some other bloggers, surely Kah Yen will enjoy it since she loves both outdoor and water, this is what I thought.


To my surprise, she was not as excited as I have expected, and she seemed very scared of the whole place. When we brought her near one of the wet sections with mini fountains, she screamed and refused to come down because water is running on the floor. And when we tried to bring her to touch the fountain, she clung to the husband's shoulder tight and buried her face on his shoulder, screaming like she is in such a horror.


To be frank I was quite disappointed, I looked at all the other kids and toddlers running around and laughing, and here is my own kid so easily scared. My disappointment then became self-blame. I blamed myself for not bringing her for swimming at a younger age. We only brought her to swimming pool a few times after she turned one, and most of time we sat her on a float and pushed her. She has not tried to float and kick in the water yet. We do not have a swimming facility near our place hence swimming is not part of our regular activities. After blaming myself I then started to worry, worry that she is too timid, and she will grow up not strong and brave enough.


You see, in a short 10 seconds, there are already so many negative words I have mentally used on my own child - scared, timid, not strong, not brave. As a mother who reads a lot on parenting I know fully well how damaging negative words can be to our child, especially words from the parents, but at that moment my mind was just a bit - out of control.


I must admit I did not know what's the best way to react after seeing her fear. I tried to put her down or bring her near the fountian a few more times, she reacted the same way. Before I became frustrated I let the husband take over, so that I can take a mental break. 


Thanks for the husband, who is forever so patient with our daughter. He was not over-reacting at all, and he was in no hurry to push her into the water. He brought her to the dry area, let her come down for a walk so she was warmed up, then he held her hand to bring her near the wet area (but still standing on the dry path), pointed to the fountain, explained to her what it is and what the other kids are doing, then he bent down to wet his own hand and touched her arm, so she knew it is just water, nothing scary. He then guided her to the pool with rocks and a giant polar bear slide. I can see that she is much more relaxed, she walked while continued looking around to check what other kids were doing. When they reached the pool side, she bent forward to touch the water and she put her feet right in!







A few kids came over to play with her, she was happy playing with them. Although she practically stayed at the same spot for the entire 30 minutes, not roaming around the entire playground like other kids, we were happy to see the progress she made.


Later when I shared with my husband the thoughts and emotions went into my mind, he just re-assured me that our daughter is Okay; He also corrected me that she is not a timid girl, she climbs up and down our bed despite falling a few times. He rejected any negative words I used on her. He refused to label or brand her. I am truly thankful for my husband who always complements me when it comes to parenting. 


PS: When I came back, I searched the internet and found a few practical tips to help children overcome the fear of water, the approach is useful in other settings too. Here are some tips from the website "Just the facts Baby":


  • Don't minimize the reality of their fear ("Oh come on, it's just like the pool, don't be silly.")
  • Don't be overly impressed with their fears ("Oh honey, I'm sorry, let me get you a freezie. Let mommy wipe your tears.")
  • Don't over emphasize re-assurances ("It's just water, it's okay, your safe, mommy has you, nothing will happen.")
  • Don't expect your child to be fearful of the water, as children will live up to our expectations.
  • Don't be a slave to their fear. If they only go in the water "their way" and "their way" involves paralyzing you, you are actually supporting their belief.
  • Do be matter of fact and unimpressed ("That's okay. If you don't like the water you don't have to go in.")
  • Do continue having a good time yourself. The best way to grow an interest in swimming is to be a swimmer yourself.
  • Do have faith and show encouragement ("I am sure that one day you may decide you'd like to be swimming in the lake so much you won't let your fear stop you.")

Wednesday 2 May 2012

Our Child Needs a Family

I still remember the first lesson we learnt when we went for our parenting class during my pregnancy - Your Baby Needs a Family. It sounded irrelevant at first in a parenting class but it is ACTUALLY the most important lesson of the entire course.

Our child needs a family to feel secure, loved and a sense of belonging. And only if husband and wife truly love each other, they are able to give the child these three.

A healthy husband-wife relationship is essential to the emotional health of children in the home. A strong marriage provides the haven of security for children as they grow in the nurturing process.

We couldn't agree more with the lesson; we had decided that our child will not be the center of our universe; we took a mental note that we will continue to spend quality time with each other to build our marriage just like before; we would show each other love and affection in front of our child; we also reminded each other that we will never disagree with each other when our child is around.

BUT, as days go by, when the challenges of bringing up a baby set in, when there is work stress for either one or both of us, when we are too tired from looking after a baby seven days a week without a break, when we have not spent anytime with just the two of us outside the house for more than a month and our emotional banks are dry, we lose sight of what we believe and we tumble.

We had argued in front of our baby; we had raised our voices and shouted at each other; It is devastating especially knowing how much it will negatively impact our child. She may not understand the words we say but she is smart enough to catch the tone of the voice. I felt so bad each time it happened. I am so afraid that we have created fear and insecurity inside the emotional part of her brain. I am so afraid that she will carry with her that memory when she grows up.

I myself still can remember the times when my own parents fought in front of me (Of course I was much bigger then). I was so afraid that I will cry hysterically. I would try to pull them away from each other. And there are even times I would try to hurt myself to bring their attention on me instead of on each other. I dreaded those moments so much. Years have passed, although the memories have already faded, but I know they have impacted on me, I always felt I will be emotional stronger and more confident if I grow up in a happier family.

I am so glad that my husband and I we have the awareness; and we know our principles and values. It is always easier said than done, but we will continue to build our marriage,  and put our relationship at higher priority than our relationship with our child, we will not let our child be the center of our lives but we will be sure her life is filled with security, joy and love, abundantly.

The life that has brought us tremendous joy

PS: Here are a few ideas from the book "Preparation for Parenting" by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo to help couple to meet all your baby's needs while still maintaining life beyond baby:

1. Life doesn't stop once you have a baby. It may slow down for a few weeks, but it should not stop entirely.


2. Take time to communicate with God through prayer and study (If you are a believer).


3. Date your spouse.


4. Continue those loving gestures you enjoyed before the baby came along.


5. Invite friends over for a meal or for an evening of fellowship.

6. At the end of each day, spend fifteen minutes sitting with your spouse discussing the day's events. (This special "couch time", which takes place before children are in bed for the evening, acts as a visual expression of your togetherness)


7. When it comes to parenting, remember you're a team.


Meet the President, almost

We went to the Istana Open House on Labor Day. The Istana is the official residence of the President of the Republic of Singapore. Both my husband and myself have never been there after staying in Singapore for nearly 10 years.

Since we have stretched Kah Yen’s morning nap to afternoon, a morning outing is just idea. And finally there is chance to take some outdoor photos (I mean some real photos that are taken by a camera, not an iPhone). Of course we might get to meet the President as well. So why not?

We set off right after breakfast, reached there at 930am, and were presently surprised there is no queue. After less than 5 minutes of security check, we are in.


Kah Yen couldn't wait to come down for a walk

All is well. Except, the President is not in.

I was initially a bit disappointed that we did not get to meet the President, but on a second thought, it might not be a bad thing after all. Imaging if the President meets us, he finds Kah Yen too cute he offers to carry her, and Kah Yen turns away from him – as she does to most strangers, it will be a super embarrassing moment for us, for the President, and for the media too, who will find it hard to add in any suitable commentary. Thank God we do not have to face this difficult situation together. The President is not in.

So we proceeded to the first stop – the Swan Lake. There are 2 beautiful white swans resting gracefully on the water. As I have expected, Kah Yen pointed at them and called “Duck Duck”. It is not her fault; they do look like duck to her anyway. 

We then passed by the Bird display set up by Jurong Bird Park. Kah Yen loves birds a lot, so I am thankful of this display for it saves us a trip to Jurong Bird Park, at least for now. 

We arrived at the Istana Main Building. The lawn is big and there is a fountain in front of the building. This is a photo of the building from the lawn.
 

Istana Main Building
And little Kah Yen happily ran about, here is her modelling in front of the main building.




We bought 2 tickets at $2 each to go inside the Istana main building and tour around the selected areas. The hall is magnificent and there is a huge display of gifts presented to the President and the Prime Minister from countries all over the world. We also get to see the Dining Area and the Ceremonial Section of the President’s office (from outside the barrier though). Kah Yen was overly excited seeing so many people she refused to be carried. She was having a splendid good time running inside the hall, and I am having a hard time keeping an eye on her. I have to because if she accidentally touches any of the gifts, or climbs up to the President’s sofa, or roams into the President’s Dining area, I will be in serious trouble.

Pictures are not allowed inside the main building of course.

Coming out the main building, we stopped at the Children’s playground. The President is kind enough to set up the Play area just for this visit. How nice of him! All the children and their parents were drawn to this area. Many brought their beach mat and picnic basket, some brought football, some were throwing Frisbee, all are determined to enjoy the President’s house to its fullest.

Here are some photos of Kah Yen at the playground.


Playground at the Istana

We also brought bubbles to blow since Kah Yen likes it, with the intention of taking some nice bubble photos under the sun. Turned out, when I started blowing the bubbles, a lot of kids ran over to catch the bubbles, husband had to pull Kah Yen aside for her safety. And soon some children photographers also came over, I can see a lot of cameras in front of me and I felt like I am a circus performer! And we didn't get any photos.

We left the place at 12pm to head to Plaza Singapura for lunch. All in all, it is a very good outing for us. If you want to find out about future open houses, you can check on this website.