Ever since the beginning of this year, I have been living in a state of Mummy guilt. I am guilty for the even less time I now have with Kah Yen, because of the distance of our new house. I have to leave house at around 7am in the morning, she doesn't get to see Mummy when she wakes up. I reaches home at 7pm, and when Kah Yen comes back, I am usually in a rush preparing for dinner, I don't have a minute for her till dinner is ready. I am guilty for pushing her bedtime to 930pm knowing that she may not get enough sleep. I am guilty for putting her at childcare center for a whole day. I am guilty she has to travel with Daddy to his workplace for we can't find a suitable childcare center nearby...... I feel totally defeated as a working mum.
Then day by day I see how my husband and Kah Yen try their best to adjust, how he offers help and assurance along the way, how she continues to thrive and grow, I know I should be thankful for what I already have, especially for the child that God has given me.
For she is such a happy and contented child.
She wakes up in the morning a happy child, even though she may not get enough sleep some days
She looks forward to going to school everyday, she likes all her teachers and friends in school
She never dreads the MRT journey because Daddy is with her
Just meeting her favorite cat downstairs can make her day
She always comes back home with a big smile on her face, and a big hug for Mummy
She is contented to play on her own while we get dinner on the table
Mealtime may not be her favorite, but she enjoys our presence. There are times she has stopped eating but doesn't want to come down because she wants to wait for Daddy and Mummy. There are times she suddenly starts singing while eating "Daddy Mummy I love you, you love me, we are a great big family!"
A short walk to the park or the playground after dinner is all we have for family time, but it's the highlight of her day
Every night we go through the same routine, dinner/park/shower/milk/teeth brushing/reading/praying/sleep, but the word "boredom" is never on her face
She won't go to bed without us reading her the bible and praying for her
She can go on to talk for days for a new spoon Daddy bought for her
She sometimes just walks to me randomly and says "Mummy, I am happy today."
I am truly thankful.