Going through transitions

Just as Kah Yen settles down in her childcare center and is starting to enjoy school, changes are coming again. We are moving house this weekend. Her routine has always been something I dedicately protected, this time, with our new house being messy for at least a week or so, and with a new room for her to sleep on her own, I have fear that her routine will be totally disturbed.

To make matter worse, she has fallen sick since last weekend and is still not fully recovered yet.

To make matter the worst, I have been sick too.

Going through transitions with young children, is an REAL challenge.

I hope everything will go well.

I will be taking a few days off next week to unpack the things, and hopefully, to bring order back to our lives. Kah Yen will still go to childcare in the morning with Daddy. The distance is further, I hope they will get used to it soon.

Meanwhile, wish everyone a happy preparation for Chinese New Year!

Seriously Sick

Both Kah Yen and myself were sick since last weekend.

For her, it's coughing and heavy phlegm and running nose, she literally coughed till vomitted. For me, my nose was blocked for a good two days, followed by coughing. It may not sound too bad, at least none of us had fever, but, trust me, when you have a sick mother and a sick child together, and there is no other able body around, it is SERIOUS.

On Monday, I struggled to work, while Daddy took leave to be with Kah Yen, she didn't get better.

On Tuesday, I took leave to look after her, only to realize by the end of the day that I got worse and she did not get any better. Can you imagine a sick body carrying a 12kg baby around? Can you imagine a person with no appetite trying to cook something out of nothing and force her equally no appetite child to eat? Can you imagine neither of us slept for more than an hour in the afternoon because we kept being disturbed by each other's coughing?

By the end of the day, I was completely exhausted. The last time I was so sick I think I hugged my pillow and cried to sleep. But this time I can't because if I do we will have two crying babies at home and that will be quite a scene!

On Wednesday, we decided to send her to school while I rested at home. It was a difficult decision to make. I felt guilty to send her to school before she fully recovers, yet I did not have the strength to look after her at home. I desperately needed some rest myself.

I slept and slept for the whole day, I didn't even think at all how she was doing at school.

Nobody has told me before it was so hard when one is sick and still needs to look after someone. I can't help thinking how my own mum did it. I hardly noticed when she was sick, not that she never fell sick, but she never showed it. Even when she was sick, she still brought dinner to the table, she still did all the laundry, she still cleaned the house like she usually does, she still made sure all her children's needs were taken care of. And she lived in an era men only work outside the house.

If she is made of steel, I think I am not even close to bricks.

Potty Potty I'm Ready

One of my many resolutions last year was to potty train Kah Yen the moment she turns two, or at least before I send her to school.

I read a book on potty training and went through a checklist many times, I think she is more than ready. But the book says I need a block of 4-5 days at home to do nothing but potty training her, in order to achieve success, I struggled with taking leave for 4-5 days just for this purpose hence I procrastinated. It also requires a lot of consistency, which is something I am quite bad at.

So Kah Yen went to school with diaper. I was awfully guilty.

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These are the basic signs of readiness I observed: She has regular bowel movement in the morning and is already trained to poo in the potty; her diaper can be dry for one or two hours at times; she has a strong desire for independence; she is interested when I use the toilet; she understands and follows most instructions; she knows the meaning of "Pee" and "Poo" and say them.

When I was at school with her on the first day, I was really delighted to hear from her English teacher that she can help to potty train Kah Yen. I was told most of the two-year-olds in the class are already potty trained. There is one boy who started training recently and the Chinese teacher brought her to the toilet regularly every 30 minutes. I was very impressed with the patience and dedication of the teacher.

So on the second day of school, I ditched the diaper and put Kah Yen on training pant. Talking about minimizing changes and transitions in young children's life, I think I went totally against the rule!

I don't know exactly how the teachers do it. I think they just try to bring her to the toilet at regular intervals till she grasps the idea that pee is only meant for the potty/toilet. I was expecting them to put her on diaper for afternoon naps so everyday I pack two spare diapers in her bag, but they are never touched. I am sure accidents do happen because twice she came back with a bag heavier than usual, and I found soaked pants in plastic bags. We didn't ask for a detail report everyday but the teacher told us on the first week that Kah Yen can go one to one-and-a-half hour without wetting her pants, which is very good progress according to the teacher.

We do the same at home too. We sit her on potty in the morning when she wakes up, and in the evening before dinner and then before bedtime. Last Saturday we brought her out in the afternoon and I totally forgot to bring her to the toilet till almost two hours later, and I was happy to find out her pant was still dry. Sunday morning I let her wear her training pant to Sunday school, when I picked her up two hours later, she was dry.

......

These are very good progress, but, until now it is still us or the teachers taking the lead, not her. Potty training cannot be accomplished without her taking the lead to tell us when she needs to use the potty. I think we still have a long way to go.

Last Friday, she came back home running to me in the kitchen screaming "I want to pee! I want to pee!" Thinking it's just her way of trying to get my attention after a day's school, I replied to her "Kah Yen, be patient, let Mummy finish cutting this vegetable first." Then she screamed again "I want to pee! I want to pee!" and looked completely restless. Daddy followed in and said she has been asking to pee since they were on the train.

Then it suddenly occured to me that, she was controlling her urine and now telling us she wanted to pee. She is taking the lead.

Bravo! I think we are almost there. Let's see how consistent she will be for the next few weeks, we might use one of those potty train charts or reward charts to reinforce, if necessary.

I forget you are only two

We came back at 2pm from church, I showered you and gave you your bottle. I put you down for your nap and expected you to fall asleep as soon as possible, only to find you came out of the room 15 mins later telling me "I want to pee". You have just peed before shower and I have put you on diaper for nap. I brought you to the potty and sent you back to bed again, 15 mins later you came out and wanted to pee again. I brought you to the potty again and nothing came out by the way. I then went in to lie down with you to make sure you sleep. For half an hour or so I dozed on and off while humming a lullaby, you were still playing with your soft toy, your pillow, your bolster and even attempted to make a conversation with me. I was furious. I took away all the things on the bed and shouted at you to close your eyes and sleep. I expected you to lie down even though you don't feel like sleeping. I forgot you are only two.

After you woke up from your nap, we lay down on the bed and I was reading you a book -  a poem book. Your little hands just couldn't do nothing for a moment and they kept coming to me to grab the book despite me telling you many times "Let me read to you". I was so frustrated I pushed your hands away, with a strong force. If it is a picture book I will let you read together with me like we always do in the evening, but I told you this is not a picture book. When I said "Let me read to you", I expect you to be still and listen. I forgot you are only two.

I was cooking dinner in the kitchen. I asked you to stay in the living room and play with your toys. You still wandered around in the kitchen and at times even asked me to carry you. How could I carry you when both my hands are busy? And didn't I tell you many times it is dangerous to play in the kitchen when I am cooking? I grabbed your arms and dragged you to the living room and my anger was all shown on my face. I forgot you are only two.

Dinner was served. You finished 80% of your food and then started to play with the remaining. You finished all your food yesterday and the day before yesterday, I expected you to only do better. And didn't I tell you not to play with your food? Do you know how many children in African are suffering from hunger? I snatched the bowl away from you and ignored all your requests thereafter. I forgot you are only two.

It was shower time. I took off all your clothes at the bathroom entrance and instead of coming in, you ran all over the house with your naked body. It was already 8pm and bedtime would be delayed again if we don't hurry, plus nobody runs about naked even in their own house. I forgot they told me two-year-olds do. I forgot you are only two.

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Yes these are all very important - be attentive, listen and obey instructions, have self-control, know your manners, but I forget that you are only two, you are still work-in-progress. If you have become a master of all these by two I would be out of job now. I forget that good values are not just taught, but also modelled. I forget that you have just started school, you need more love, more attention and move assurance from me. I forget that discipline works hand-in-hand with love. I forget that even though I am 29 I am still work-in-progress, I still have a lot to learn, to be patient, to control my anger, my voice and my tone.

Someone reminds me again tomorrow, that she is only two.