My birth story (VBAC)

One of the best decisions we have made during my second pregnancy is to change gynae at the last month of pregnancy, in order to try for VBAC - Vaginal Birth after Cesarean. Though it has cost us a big sum (Our prenatal expenses almost tripled since we had to pay penalty to the first gynae for canceling the package), we had no regrets.

I had a successful VBAC and delivered my baby naturally 3 hours after checking in the hospital, without epidural. Though the pain of natural birth was horrible (Yes, it is!), it was an amazing experience I will remember for a life time!

27 Sep 2013, FRIDAY

My due date was 28 Sep 2013, Saturday. On Friday, I felt slight tightening of lower stomach. I didn't think it was the starting of labor as it was nothing regular, and there was no pain. I still went out for a walk in the morning with Kah Yen. In the evening there was a planned church seminar to attend. So I went. During the seminar the tightenings came and went a few times. I had a feeling my body is getting ready, cervix is probably dilating. But I knew it was still early. Thank God I was able to sit through the seminar, there were tightenings about 10 minutes apart, I managed through them by practicing deep breathing and drinking a lot of water.

27 Sep 2013, FRIDAY NIGHT

Friday night turned out to be a sleepless night. I developed a mild headache. Stomach muscle was still tightening, still not very frequent, so did not bother to time them. But it seemed more persistent than in the day, it came back every 8-10 minutes. I dozed on and off in between. By 3am it hurt a little to lie down, so I decided to get up and walk around the room for the rest of the night. Drank a lot of water and went to the toilet multiple times to empty the bladder. By the early morning contractions came at 5-6 minutes interval, felt like this could be the active labor stage, but still not very sure. Found some brown color discharge when I went to the toilet, it must be the mucusy discharge that blocks the cervix. So cervix was opening! This could be the day! 

28 Sep 2013, SATURDAY

Saturday morning contractions still came on and off, not very intense, can be managed by deep breathing and bending forward. I had my breakfast, then continued to walk around in the master bedroom while husband played with Kah Yen. He knew I was feeling uncomfortable, but he had no idea how far away I was from labor either. 

The rest of the day was spent alone in the bedroom. I continued to walk around. I tried not to lie down even though I was feeling quite tired. Firstly, contraction was more unbearable when lying down. Secondly, contraction was less frequent when lying down. I would like to speed up the contraction so I walked as much as possible. When the pain came I leaned forward on the edge of our bed and breath deeply. By the evening contraction was very regular and 4-5 minutes apart, and VERY INTENSE! I am pretty sure I was into action labor! But I am not sure how much I have dilated so I thought I'd wait until dinner was over to decide if heading for hospital.

Turned out, I had no appetite for dinner at all. Contraction was almost 3 minutes apart and was PAINFUL! That very night my mother in law was supposed to go out, I told her to cancel her appointment, and when husband and Kah Yen came back from playground for dinner, I announced "That's it! I need to go to the hospital!" which sent everybody into a hyper mode. Husband tried to have a quick bite after booking for the taxi, but he was too excited to even chew his food before swallowing. I went in for a quick shower - my last shower for a few days! Husband grabbed the bag and his DSLR, we told Kah Yen where we were going and gave her lots of kisses and hugs. And down we went.

I had 2 strong contractions inside the lift, and a few more inside the taxi. I managed through them silently.

28 Sep 2013, SATURDAY NIGHT

We reached the hospital at 8pm. I was sent to the observation room straight away and nurse came in to hook me on bed to monitor baby heart beat and my contraction. The pain almost doubled once I was lying down, I asked to come down and walk but was rejected by the nurse, who checked my dilation and announced I was 3cm dilated. Only 3cm! I was disappointed! I thought after a whole day's hard work (walk) at home I should have dilated to 9cm! They called my doctor to come in, who said a few words then left, probably thinking I won't be ready to deliver my baby till the next morning!

My contraction was still coming strong. At 930pm, they transferred me to the birth room.  Pain was so UNBEARABLE it was impossible for me to come down and walk. They won't allow me anyway. I screamed for half an hour and decided I couldn't take this any longer. So I ordered the nurse to check my dilation again. I was thinking if my cervix was only dilated to 4-5cm then I will ask for epidural right away. Good news! Cervix was dilated to 7cm - that was surely fast. And bad news? It was too late to admit epidural. But I was pretty encouraged by the speed of dilation, and it kept me going for another half an hour or so. Then I felt my water broke. And I started to have the urge to push. I shouted to the nurse while screaming in pain "Quick! I feel like pushing. Baby is coming out!" I was worried they have not gotten themselves ready and my baby was going to drop on to the floor!

They called the doctor right away who came in at around 11pm. They popped my legs up and the next thing I knew, after 3 rounds of pushing, baby was born at 1111pm.

It was amazing! I thank God for a fast, easy and problem-free delivery.

VBAC (2)

Finally, we have decided to change to a new gynae who is pro-natural and thinks I am a good candidate for VBAC - Vaginal birth after Cesarean.

So I am officially going for VBAC for my second child.

It feels so good after we have made up our mind.

I have been actively reading about natural childbirth, the signs of labor, the stages of labor, and the techniques to prepare for labor and ease labor pain. Though this is my second child I feel like a first-time mom when I am reading up all these, because my first child was in breech position and we have scheduled for Cesarean way in advance, hence all I did was getting myself rested for the operation day.

Reading about labor excites me. Everything about labor is so natural, no, actually is supernatural. God has designed the woman's body to be able to stretch and deliver a 6-8 pounds baby through the birth canal. It is amazing.

The more I read from internet and books, the more I realize I am a believer of natural way of birthing. I believe induction to start contraction early is not necessary unless there is complication threating the mother or baby's life. I think epidural is not perfectly OK to use and it is not a God-given gifts to mommies. I believe using breathing and relaxation techniques to ease the pain of labor instead of medications. If I have known earlier there is HypnoBirthing classes and Doula services available in Singapore, I would certainly have signed for one.

My new gynae, as I mentioned, is pro-natural and makes me feel very comfortable after each visit. He said he will not induce me even if I go past my due date, he doesn't believe a baby will be too big to be born. He will not hook me on bed with IV drips and monitors the minute my contraction starts, instead he asked me to labor at home through the early stage and only when contraction is strong and unbearable, I should check in hospital. He thinks if my cervix is able to dilate fast we can go without epidural. All these give me much assurance.

Of course, a VBAC is still different from a first time vaginal delivery. Fear does come back to me once in a while, but I choose to have faith in my own belief. I trust that God is going to help me deliver this baby beautifully.

My due date is 28 Sep 2013, so I am in the waiting game now.

I came upon this website which contains mommy's first hand sharing of birth stories, covering all different types of labor and of course VBAC. I was very encourage by the stories. The people behind the website provides childbirth class, labor supports and postnatal services. I will surely check out them when I have my next child. Enjoy reading!

http://www.parentlink.org/pregnant_singapore_birth_doula/06stories/categories/doula.htm

Baby No. 2 anxiety

Tomorrow marks the entry into the last month of my pregnancy. My due date is 28 Sep 2013. A lot have been going through my mind recently. I am excited - we are going to have another baby soon, a baby boy, God's perfect gift. I am worried - who should be the caretaker for the baby when I finish my maternity leave? We still have not made up our mind. I am nervous - with a toddler and a baby I am not sure if we can cope with the morning and evening routines without any help... ... Above all, I can also get really emotional at times.

I don't know how to be a mother of two.

I don't know how the arrival of my new baby will affect my daughter Kah Yen, and my relationship with her.

I don't know if I am able to love both of my children, wholeheartedly, and 100%. Or do I need to divide my love between them?

......

For almost three years, Kah Yen has been the center of my life. (I know all parenting and marriage books will tell you - No, your children should never be the center of your life.) She has brought me so much joy and laughter. We have spent so many memorable moments together. And whenever I am with her, I always make sure I am 100% with her, my body, my heart and my mind. But soon, the arrival of our new baby will take part of me away from her. I have no doubt I will not love her less because there is a new baby in my arms, but my energy, my attention, my time and my patience will all be divided. Oh how much will she be affected! And how much the thought of it is affecting me now!

It didn't help if I were to go for C-section, (We are still deciding on this and we are going to seek a second opinion before we make the final decision.) I will need more time to rest and recover which means for at least two weeks I won't be able to bath her, carry her and just play with her, something I am doing now everyday.

I have heard mothers of two or three shared how their heart grows with the number of babies they have, making room for each new life. I have not experienced it yet. Maybe I will experience that moment when I finally hold Baby #2 in my arms. Maybe by then I won't need to worry about Kah Yen anymore because my heart has grown, it will love Kah Yen not less, but more, and it will still have room to love my new born baby, wholeheartedly.

I am waiting.

For that magical moment of motherhood.

VBAC

I was quite disappointed when my new gynae told me during our last check up to choose a date for Caesarean. He did not bother to ask us if we'd like to go for a normal delivery. The way he brought it up is as if normal delivery is not even an option to consider.

Ever since the beginning of this pregnancy, I have been mentally preparing myself for a normal delivery for this baby. I wanted a normal delivery for my first baby too but her position was breech, which left us with no option but an operation.

I have been reading about VBAC - Vaginal birth after Ceasarean. It is highly possible and many people have done it. And I think I should be a good candidate for VBAC, given that my first operation was due to baby's position rather than birth complications. I am still relatively young. I am healthy and active. And so far there isn't any complications throughout this pregnancy.

But, my gynae seems to prefer to avoid risk. When I asked him if it's possible to go for natural delivery. He simply brushed it off saying "There is risk.". Certainly there is risk. There is risk in everything we do, even for a completely healthy person to give birth through normal delivery for the first time, that could be risk too. From what I read I know the biggest fear of VBAC is uterine rupture, where the scar tissues of the uterus opens during pushing, which calls for an emergency C section to save mother and baby's life. This of course sounds very serious, but statistically the risk of uterus rupture is less than 1 percent. Every day you drive on the road there is risk of accident too but do people stop driving because of that?

I was so torn. Should I insist on trying normal delivery, or should I listen to the doctor? Or should I go back to my old gynae to have another opinion? I changed gynae not because of anything else but distance.

I am not trying to be a super woman, wanting to go for a natural delivery and show the world what I can do. No. I just want a shorter recovery so that I can be more attentive to my daughter Kah Yen during the transitional stage. She is already being robbed most of me due to the arrival of her baby brother, I will feel really bad if I have to be bed-rested for 2 weeks and couldn't bath her and play toys with her when she comes back from school.

I have a toddler in the house, that's why I want a natural delivery. Not out of my selfish desire, but out of a mother's love for her children.

What should I do?

Welcome to the third thrimester

I don't need to look at the calendar to know I am already into my third trimester. Being the second pregnancy, I am too familiar with the signs and symtoms of the third and final trimester. Here are but a few:

Hot Hot Hot

At first I thought it is because of the haze the temperature has gone up, but now the haze has subdued, I still feel like I am inside a hot air balloon whenever I'm not in an air-con place. We usually don't sleep with the air conditioning on so I am practically sweating while sleeping, one whole night adds up to a 5km brisk walk I guess. Well on a positive note at least I am finally doing some exercise! And to cook a dinner in our small stuffy no fan and no air-con kitchen? I feel like I am running a half marathon.

I can't believe every morning when I wake up I look forward to going to work now, just so that I may chill in the air-con for a whole day, for free.


Hungry Hungry Hungry

Waken up by hunger in the middle of the night is a miserable thing. Well, having your stomach making all the noises the moment you are ready to lie down and sleep is even worse. The clock is pointing at 11pm. I know I need to quickly go to sleep so that I can have at least 7 hours of sleep, but the stomach starts to give me the signal that it is hungry. Trying to sleep while my stomach is protesting? No way! I have tried to lie down for 10 minutes and my whole body starts to irritate me. Then I have to rush to the kitchen to quickly stuff anything I can find to my mouth and force it down the throat without chewing. Such is the hunger! and to remind you I have just finished my dinner some 3 hours ago.


Heavy Heavy Heavy

It is getting more difficult to walk, sit comfortably or lie down and sleep. The worst among the three? Sleep. I spend the night tossing from left to center to right, and back again. And it is almost impossible to do all the turning without waking up, when you have a big belly.

The extra weight is also resting heavily on my bladder. The poor fellow, suffering silently at a forgotten place, till he almost can't perform his normal duty. At night I wake up on average 2-3 times to visit the toilet. In the day I have lost count of course.

And while I am writing this post. I have to stop and stretch various parts of my body for at least 3 times. I also went to the toilet 5 times to be exact.

Four more months to go

Each morning I couldn't help looking at my desk calendar and calculating how many more weeks to my baby's due date. I am now 25 weeks pregnant, 2 more weeks later I will enter into the 3rd and final trimester. I am enjoying my pregnancy so much now I can't wait for the 3rd trimester to come. Though I know I will surely be more tired, I look forward to baby gaining weight and growing in size to be more like a new born. I really can't relate when Babycenter says my baby is looking like a spaghetti squash or the average rutabaga! Can't they think of something other than fruits or vegetables!

Baby is a lot more active now. He has gone pass the stage of so called "popcorn popping, a goldfish swimming around, or butterflies fluttering" type of gentle movement. He is in full gear for aerobics every now and then. Sometimes I can't fall sleep coz the moment I lie down, he starts his practice. But I love all the movements inside, which just tells me what a healthy baby he is.

I have been watching my diet reasonally well. I have cut coffee and tea completely. I drinks two cups of milk each day and eat plenty of fruits and vegetables. I am also more diligent taking my vitamins now. I am confident that's enough nutrition for the baby to grow. I am expecting him to be at least 3.5kg, just like his sister.

I look forward to holding him in my arms and smell him. I look forward to breastfeeding him. And I can't believe I even miss pumping milk! I remember how excited I was when I have gotten 10 ml more milk than the previous pump. Such are the days! I pumped milk for 14 months for Kah Yen, my goal was two years but I broke my pump when we were travelling so I was forced to stop. For the second baby, I will still try to breastfeed for as long as I can.

I look forward to seeing his big sister interacting with him. Even now when his big sister is talking or singing beside me, I can feel him moving. He must be delighted to hear her beautiful voice. I know their bonding has already started even before he is born. I don't expect them to be the best of friends from the start, but I am sure they will grow fond of each other in no time.

I can't wait for my maternity leave to start, to have four months with my baby, to be available to him all the time. I can imagine we will be doing a lot of music and singing together. When Kah Yen was a new born the only nursery song I know of is "Twinkle twinkle little star". I remembered trying to sing songs to Kah Yen with a lyrics book beside me. Two and a half year has passed and now I have learnt a handful. I can imagine we bask in the sun together near our wall height window every morning. I can imagine we go down for a walk to the park each evening and I will show him all the beautiful things around...... It is going to be just me and him.

Four more months to go. See you soon my baby!

(Pregnancy) It's final enjoyable

I am finally starting to enjoy my pregnancy.

What? How could you say that? Some people might be reacting this way. How can you possibly not enjoy your pregnancy right from the start? I know, I must have sounded like a mother with no heart and no feelings. Here is a baby God has placed in my womb and it's the best gift ever, and I am not enjoying it.

Don't get me wrong. Of course we were happy, excited and thankful when we first learnt about the pregnancy. We love children and we have always known we want more than one, or maybe more than two. However, I have to be honest, the first three months of my pregnancy is hardly enjoyable. The feeling of excitement was soon replaced by days of fatigue, feeling of sickness and loss of appetite. It was a tough three months.

Now that my body feels much stronger and my appetite is back to normal. And there are other positive changes to the body and the hormones too. I am finally starting to enjoy my pregnancy.

Firstly it's the growing belly. I was not showing much during the first three months, now I can finally see and feel the baby bump. I love the sensation of touching and stroking it, it is a wonderful way to connect to the baby, physically and emotionally. 

Secondly it's the movement of the baby. I can't exactly feel the baby kick yet, but I can feel the movement of the water when I sit or lie down still and try to breath deeply. It is likely bubbles blowing inside my belly. Babycenter has more fancy words to describe it " popcorn popping, a goldfish swimming around, or butterflies fluttering". No matter it's the the bubbles, or the popcorn, or the goldfish, or the butterflies, it is a wonderful feeling. During my first pregnancy I only felt the baby movement at around 5-6 months, this time I am feeling it much earlier.

Now that I can feel the baby's presence stronger, I am also trying to spend more time to connect with it. During the pockets of break time in office, I'd close my eyes and lean back on my chair for 5-10 minutes, that's the time I feel the movement the most. Sometimes I play soft music using my handphone for the baby to hear. Another good time to connect with the baby is during the bus rides, I listen to soft music, with hands touching my belly and with my mind thinking of the baby. These are our uninterrupted time together. Once I am home it is all about dinner, Kah Yen and housework, and by the end of the day I'd be too tired to spend any quality time with the baby, I dose off the minute my head touches the pillow.

I didn't read to the baby yet, but every evening I read aloud the children's bible to Kah Yen, I think this can be counted as reading to the baby too. I am sure he/she can hear us.

I didn't talk to the baby yet, simply because it is weired if I do it outside, and when I am at home, I have no extra time and energy. I am trying to have an earlier bedtime for myself so that I can spend 10-15 minutes before I sleep to talk to or pray for the baby. We did this almost every night during my first pregnancy.

I secretly hope time will slow down so that I can enjoy my second trimester a little longer.

Growing up with Kah Yen and more

If you are trying to figure out what does the title of this post mean, it means I am pregnant with number two.

I have thought of many ways to break the news here, the straight-to-the-point way like ‘Hi, there, I am pregnant!” or the more mysterious way like “The beginning of another unexpected journey…” or the more bookish way like “What to expect when I am expecting again?” None of them seems suitable. I guess I am just a shy person when it comes to sharing personal things.

The other reason is also because I have chose the Chinese way of keeping the pregnancy to ourselves till the 3-month mark. Hence I am already into my 4^th month of pregnancy. The initial excitement has already passed.

So that explains why I was so tired in the month of January when we were preparing to move to our new house; and why I felt sick terribly for nearly 2 weeks because the minute I was pregnant, my immune system gave up on me to protect the precious fetus; and why I almost gave up on Blogging in the month of February due to the physical fatigue and emotional mood swings (mostly down) caused by the pregnancy hormone changes.

Thank God those days are over. I was lucky I did not have morning sickness for both my pregnancies. But still, the fatigue and loss of appetite was worse this time, due to age, lack of exercise, and also the stress of looking after Kah Yen. While during the first pregnancy, I was preparing for my first marathon and running regularly at least 10km a week. I was at a proud young age of 26. And I don’t do anything at home but eat and sleep!

Anyway, now that I am into my second trimester, I felt so much better.

Hope the journey will continue to be smooth from now onwards.

Letters to Kah Yen: The Nine Months

Dear Kah Yen,

You did not make a big announcement when you come. When I found out that I am pregnant, you are nearly 8 weeks old.

There is no sign of morning sickness, no vomiting, no nauseaness. I had none of these common pregnancy symptoms at the early stage. Only 5-6 weeks into the pregnancy I became extremely emotional, without knowing that it is the pregnancy hormone change. Those days I was very negative about my work, thinking that’s the worst job one could ever has and gives you no prospects at all. I also felt very lonely and very in need of more love. Your daddy has just quitted his job in Singapore and went to Malaysia to work for 3 months. I missed him a lot. One weekend I went down to KL to visit Daddy, Daddy made me try his favorite Penang Laksa. It is supposed to be very nice but the spice certainly does not go along with a pregnant woman’s tummy, so I felt terrible after eating it, and also felt terrible that I must have made your Daddy feel really bad.

Physically there isn’t any change from the outside yet. I continued my weekly jogging. I usually run for about an hour without much a problem, but that few times something just felt not right in the stomach. I struggled to finish the run and couldn’t figure out what’s wrong with my body.

The emotional hormone, the unusual tiredness during jogging, and also the growing appetite and cravings all point to one common suspect – pregnancy. However, I quickly shook off this idea from my head and refused to do any test. Why? It’s because we have not planned to start a family yet and we have done all the necessary protection. I just don’t think it is possible and don’t want to accept a single possibility of it. It must be something else.

Finally, in an attempt to rule out the possibility, I bought the pregnancy test kit, and the result is positive.

It is a big BANG for both of us. We did not plan to start a family so early. Our marriage has just started and we still need time to build on it. We have not saved enough to buy our first house. Daddy just quitted his job a month ago and has not landed on another steady one. Both of us are still young, I have just passed 25. We still have dreams of traveling around the world – both of us love backpacking. We couldn’t process this news very well. It came like a big storm, thundering and all windy, for a while we don’t know how to move forward.

The rainbow did not appear right after the storm, but peaceful weather does come our way. After the initial struggle, and talking with some older couple friends, we started to embrace the pregnancy. We can’t believe we are going to be parents. We started to see you as the biggest gift of our lives. And we know that although you have changed the track of our lives forever, you will bring great joy and blessing to us.

Mummy & Kah Yen @ 37 weeks

The rest of the nine-month is filled with excitement, joy and expectations. We started regular visits to the clinics for check-up. Our gynae used to be your Daddy’s aunt’s gynae, so guess how old and experienced he is, which also means he is overly popular. We usually spent a whole afternoon waiting for our turn to be checked, the check up lasted no more than 20 mins. We also enrolled ourselves in prenatal classes conducted by very famous B. B. Wong at Thomson Medical Center. Her class is supper popular and we are very lucky to have called at just the right time. She is funny, experienced and passionate about childbirth and childcare. Her class is never boring. And she also makes sure the husband will be actively involved in the class too. That’s how your Daddy learnt to give you a bath and change your diaper. 

While B. B. Wong’s class focuses more on childbirth and childcare, we are also very fortunate to be included in a lesson group volunteered by a couple from our church, also friends of your daddy.  The lesson is called ‘Growing Kids God’s Ways (GKGW)”, also commonly known as “BabyWise’ by the same author. It is centered on Parent Directed Feeding (PDF) and emphasizes a lot on building a feed/wake/nap routine for baby to raise a healthy baby, a healthy family. This lesson is truly God-sent. I would say that much of my confidence being a mum is a result of these lessons.

Daddy is also getting more and more excited with your arrival. He talked and read to you every night. He bought CDs to play to you. He wrote letters to you on our shared journal. He made breakfast on weekends so that I can sleep in a little more. He also accompanied me for swimming every week till my swimming suit can’t fit any more.

All shopping was done, your nursery was set up, and a date was fixed for me to have Caesarean section because you are in breech position. We had also made wishes of which part of you will be more like Daddy or Mummy. Daddy wished you will have Mummy’s lips while I claimed you would have your Daddy’s sparkling eyes, Daddy’s tall nose, and Daddy’s thick and black and naturally curl hair.

And we can’t wait for your arrival.

Love,
Mummy